Just Josh

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Just Josh
is a romantic musical comedy featuring just the music and lyrics of Josh Woodward, and none other. Indeed, thirteen songs from one alubm, "Sunny side of the street" are in the story. His extra-ordinary vision and generosity in making the songs available is legendary. Not only that, but there are instrumental backing tracks under the same creative commons 3.0 attribution only license at www.joshwoodward.com. His career is an incredible one and this writing is a tribute and a dedication to that incredible man and wonderful musician. To "Josh" means to fool around, and this light-hearted sense is also deliberate. The play is intended for  community theatre and educational institutions to perform publicly with vocal covers to accompany the instrumentals. A traditional one act play has a duration about twenty minutes. The songs provide about half an hour of music, so the intention of my incidental writing is to provide enough filling to make up another act. A two act musical is unusual, but this structure allows later lengthening (CC-BY writing being a very flexible art). The lead role is strictly fictional and I have used the name 'Josh' for the purpose of continuity with the title only.

Some element of the story readers may find confronting. Obviously I am not writing for commercial gain so I am not bound by the same constraints as other theatre hacks. A fifth of Americans live in poverty, a fact which is reflected in Josh and Joe's circumstances. I hope to show how oppressive copyright law can be when mis-used for unscrupulous purposes. It has been tempting to place an apologist stance behind the irreverent outlook found in the lyrics, but this is off-set by the ethics of his music, a shining example of humanistic tolerance.

The hardest choice was to select soongs for the opening and closing. Baba ganoush is redundant to the story and the lyrics are not suitable for Educational purposes. Josh has so many tracks,  I confined myself to this small sample. With big production theatre numbers in mind, I selected only the most ebullient album. Also tempting was the option to change the words, eg. to remove Americanisms to broaden the appeal to an international audience, but I wanted to use the original lyrics, so that listeners need make no adjustment to the songs they find on his website. I wanted more opportunity for female characters to sing, but the songs on this album are gender specific.

Setting
Act One: A cheap lodging house (trailer park) in Kilkenny, Ireland with reference to Josh's home being Findlay, united states. Located close to fast food outlets.

Act Two: At home in Findlay, in a burger  outlet. Margaritaville is a fictional place in the same location that appears in dreams, or like Brigadoon, only after the third bottle is uncorked.

Characters
Josh a musician

Joe - Josh alter ego, comic sidekick and Josh's manager (shares accomodation with Josh) infatuated with violet

Violet -  Josh's sister,  a sensuous but emotionally cold beauty. In love with Snooter.

Jasmine a cheeseburger waitress

Sherry a moroccan ganoush waitress

Charlene McGray - A Findlay lay minister and music teacher, who discovered Josh's musical talent but dumped him for being left handed. Josh's juvenile paragon on whom he had a crush.

'Baba' Ganesh  - a fast food restauranteur and coffee tycoon (Almost named in honour of  the unused song from the same album)

Snooter a web designer and copyright entrepreneur.

Hank Williams (died 1950) Chosen at random as a famous American musician. He  was illiterate and had a talented side-kick Rufus. The story is fictional and no slight is intended against  the deceased.

Songs

 * Talk about your feelings  - man to woman, let me sleep
 * Bonjour mon amie - man to woman French fascination
 * chainsaw - Charlene and parents get cut-off
 * I hate you - left hand hate mail
 * She's on my mind - Joe obsesse about Violet
 * Snooter - character with a copyright entrepreneurs indifference
 * Brown Boxes - ballad about failing to unpack (or move on emotionally)
 * Up Kilkenny - sport anthem
 * Coffee - everyday  upbeat
 * Fast Food Fantasy - greasy man to woman love song
 * Are you having fun - insomnia
 * A song - the closing anthem. Of ourselves we sing
 * Cheapskate romantic - Joe courts Violet with empty promises
 * Violet wants it her way - Josh warning about his sister
 * Baba ganoush - the juvenile jingle that catches on

Act One
Josh and Joe are fugitives on the run. They are unhappily and temporarily settled in Kilkenny, at a lodging organized by Josh's cosmopolitan sister, Violet. Josh has recorded a track his mother taught him. Joe has been charged with copyright breech for selling the song online. They are hoping that they can evade extradition to america by hiding in Ireleands grrner patures and lax european union intellectual property arrangements.

At the curtain rise, Josh is discovered playing a song "Brown Boxes". Josh refers to his guitar as his existential chainsaw (music consumes him and cuts him from dischordant reality)  Joe warns him to stop dwelling on Charlene. Josh responds with "She's on my mind" but guiltily admits he hid a fast food addiction from Charlene.

Vilolet visits and Joe is thunderstruck by her beauty. Violet and Josh are left alone long enough for Violet to reveal she had been seeing Snooter, the man who is suing the boys on copyright charges. Josh explains Snooters character with the song of that name. Violet is initially interested in Joe and leads him along. Josh warns him that his sister "Violet wants it her way". Joe and Violet go out on a date.

Josh finds he cannot sleep. Charlene rings but Josh finds he is uneasy with his old flame. He sings "Talk about your feelings" and she chastises his coldness. Later in the morning Charlene dumps him by fax and he commiserates with Joe, Joe makes light of his friends seperation by singing her dear john letter "I hate you".

Joe returns from the date with the news that he has been repulsed. Violet has called him a "Cheapskate romantic".

Act two.
The following day, the boys visit a mediterrainian restaurant to buy coffee and sing "Coffee". They decide on ganoush and score a job. Baba overhears their song about coffee and asks them to write a jingle for the ganoush franchise. Joe meets Sherry and sings to her "Bonjour Mon Amie". Sherry suggests a celebration of the local sports victory and they all step out together. As they celebrate Sherry sings "Up Kilkenny". Until the grub runs out, then they all go to Margarita-ville.

Josh has a lonely moment and sings "Are you having fun" when Sherry and Joe get all smoochy. Sherry introduces them to a friend of hers, Jasmine, at a fast food joint. Josh falls for Jasmine, the counter girl. Josh finds his cosmic home in Jasmine as he sings "Fast Food Fantasy" and Jasmine reciprocates.

Violet and Baba appear at the fast food outlet. Violet carries the news that their ganoush contract has gone viral. Baba is a forward thinker who wants to fund musical commons on the ganoush theme.

Things get better still. Violet's former beau, Snooter, has lost the case against them, in fact; the court has awarded them damages, because Snooter has been fraudulently collecting royalties for a song. The family song which Josh's mother sold to Hank Williams is little known. Nevertheless it had fallen into the public domain some years before. Josh's own mother has a song in the public domain? We are who we are and (Closing theme) It's just "a song". . ..

Brown Boxes
'Josh should mention a song his mother sang "My stockings gotta hole in it" which she sang to Old Rufus [Payne] which he encouraged her to exchange with Hank Williams in return for  vegtables. Not too much detail about this story because it may need to be changed, if a more appropriate copyfraud perpetrator can be found.'

Josh and Joe are thinking of breakfast and fast food when Josh turns glib.

Time: Morning

''Setting: A faded trailer home. (American audiences will understand that trailer parks are the high density dwelling for those in poverty. Realistically, few people dwell in trailer-homes during an Ireland winter. A dingy single room in a tenement or pension building is ideal.)  ''

''As the Curtain rises, Josh is discovered in semi-darkness wearing pyjamas and perched on a cardboard box, he is rummaging through another box as he sings the opening theme "Brown boxes". He is searching for breakfast, but finds nothing palatable. He taps a large box with his toe as he mentions magazines, with two smaller [empty] boxes on top of it, in a cardboard pyramid. A row of boxes is stacked along the back of the room. Joe is out of sight behind these, asleep.''

Josh. (looking about himafter song) It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Move away from the United States and see the world. We came here to get away and bought our world with us (nuding a box, long pause) We came here to Ireland to get ourselves together. We came to Kilkenny for a fresh start as a performers in the worlds quaintest bars. But what have we actually managed to accomplish since we got here? Not much! I need to start looking for a job. Wheres that Kilkenny classified gone? (Spies the heavy box, crosses and performs a visual gag. Josh places smallest empty box beside stack, places next empty box on top and then lifts heavy box with fingers over sides to hold box together, places heavy box on both, leaning on the resulting stack to make the lower boxes collapse as they take the weight. Then, as though anxious to see the damage, Josh lifts the heavy box again, this time without his fingers over the lower seam, so the bottom of the box falls open and magazines tumble out)

Joe (his arm shoots up above boxes at this second loud noise) What? What's all the noise?

Josh. There you are Joe!

Joe. Who is making such noise on the Sabbath, disgraceful.

Josh. What sabbath? Today's Thursday.

Joe. Only by a heathen scientific calender. I am trying to sleep. Do you have to make so much noise?

Josh. Why are you sleeping out here on the floor again. You don't have to provide security in your sleep, with your goods all the time.

Joe. Actually, I was sleeping on them. This row of boxes is my bed. I fell out of bed.

Josh. Sleeping on boxes of computer gear? You would be better off on the floor.

Joe. (raising one leg to visibility above the boxes.) That's how I voted, too.

Josh. I am sure there is a democratic principal to uphold here. . .You need more than one person to have a vote on anything, including on where to sleep. Did you know, your stocking's got a hole in it.

Joe. (sings to the tune of Hank Williams 'My Buckets got a hole in it') "My stockings got a hole in it" (Annoyed) I voted, alright!

Josh. One vote in favour of discomfort?

Joe. I put it to the floor. The unanimous decision was slammed against me with great gravity. the vote was hard but unrelenting. I think my hips are frozen and my back aches.

Josh. That song, 'My stocking has a hole in it'. . . That song my mother sang. That's what got us into this mess. I just sang it now in my head.

Joe. I wonder if we can be sued for an illegal thought broadcast. How do you stop people from singing aloud?

Josh. I am sure there is a tier of performance rights you can pay for bopping at traffic lights.

Joe. I wonder if anybody has been sued for taking a bath with the window open.

Josh. Have you seen my guitar?

Joe. Chainsaw?

Josh. Yes, my guitar named chainsaw, have you seen it?

Joe. (arm indicates vaguely) Look under. .

Josh. Under where?

Joe (laughing, taunts) I made you say it. Underwear !

Josh (pulls guitar out and sniffs it suspiciously) You don't mean real underwear? Not on my chainsaw? (hugs guitar) precious baby chainsaw !

Joe. (sitting up) The show must go on, or the shower must go on, at least. Don't be a wet blanket, Josh, and rain on my paradie. We were sued because we copied a famous song. We breeched the copyright on a famous song and we got caught.

Josh. We never sold an album.

Joe. We both know that's beside the point. We posted it for sale and we made money from it, It was illegal and wrong. It wasn't ours. It's wrong to use other peoples stuff.

Josh. Except their squeezy sponge and car shampoo?

Joe. Are you job hunting again?

Josh. We drank the rent.

Joe. We'll get a gig, relax.

Fosh. I have a new song, wanna hear it?

Joe. Is there anything you don't sing about?

Josh. I don't sing about dentists or marmalade, wana hear it? it's an air. You like airs. It's a latin air about a hat.

Joe. Is it sad?

Josh. It's a little sombre.

Joe. A sombre air. Oh. [Sombrero]

Josh. (laughing) Ole! Are you hungry yet.

Joe. I can't take jokes like that on an empty stomach, what do Irish people eat for breakfast?

Josh. Baked Porridge, but what are we going to eat, we have no money?

Joe. Starvation. At least it will be an American lack of food that kills us.

Josh. How patriotic. Charlene would have something to eat.

Joe. Charlene is thousands of miles [kilometres]  away and she decided not to join us while we are fugitives hiding in Ireland. I can't imagine why she would turn down desperate immigration against a stack of pancakes.

Josh. She didn't break the law, we did.

Joe. I hope she calls tonight. I miss home.

Joe. I'm hungry

Josh. My mother sold that song. Have I ever told you the story? Would you like to hear it?

Joe. I'm still hungry. Go on.

Josh. My mother made up songs. There were six kids in the house. We called her the radio, because at that time we couldn't afford one. The smallest kid used to twiddle her belly button, when we wanted some music and she never failed to produce a tune. She sang recipes and homework as though they were Opry.

Joe. No copyright on recipes.

Josh. Is that why there are so much cookery bookery?

Joe. Just millions of dollars worth. Finish your story.

Josh. She sang for Rufus, too. Rufus Payne was an old guy who lived nearby. He loved to hear her sing. He said it was the nectar of the human condition, and she was the nectarine. One day it all changed.

Joe. What happened?

Josh. One day he bought a song. She sang him a sould number. He asked if he could take the song as his own and she agreed.

Joe. She gave it away?

Josh. Sold it. She never sang it again.

Joe. Really?

Josh. (explaining) We was hungry then. Six mouths to feed. He bought her a basket of corn cobs.

Joe. She sold her soul for a bushel of maize?

Josh. She kept us going, the only way she could.

Joe. And gave up her passion to a diabolical grocer?

Josh. Joe, he was black. Rufus was black. He was hungry, too. He didn't want the music for himself. He was a musician enough to recognize her talent. I suppose I should be grateful for that. Genetic flattery. He sold on the music to a big star, and that's why we are being sued. I broadcast a song that was already recorded by someone else and that was a breech of the stars copyright. (remorseful) I just forgot where it came from. . .  I'm sorry I got you mixed up in all this, Joe.

Joe. Whoah! Easy boy! You musicians are always so temporamental and sentimental. I feel sorry for a soul brother I never met. And all before ten o'clock. It wasn't your fault. It's a good thing interpol doesn't care abou car washers and bar bands, or our cover would be blown by your twang on my heart strings (long pause). . . . I'm still hungry.

Josh. That Rufus Payne. He came back often. He bought plenty of corn in those days. To hear my mother and Rufus play together, you would think they were lovers.

She's on my mind
is about Josh being homesick and longing for his first love, Charlene McGray.

Vilolet visits
Joe is thunderstruck by her beauty. vioet is interested in Joe. There is an opportunity for slamming door humour here as the threesome must eventually meet, but may have motives to hide from each other.

Violet to reveal she had been seeing Snooter, the man who is suing the boys on copyright charges.

Snooter
Josh explains Snooters character with the song of that name. Violet is initially interested in Joe and leads him along. Violet and Joe agree to go on a date, but Violet must leave first so Josh can warn Joe about her callous nature.

Violet wants it her way
Josh warns him that his sister is callous. Joe and Violet go out on a date. Violet may confirm Josh warning by making an unreasonable demand as they leave, but Joe is infatuated and goes anyway.

Josh (to Violet) If Joe tells you about his dreams, it means he likes you. Somebody told him that girls like to be in dreams. It's a corny pick up line.

Voilet. Who would tell him such a thing? (turns and glares at Josh, who blushes innocently)

Joe (entering) I'm back. where were we? (suddenly gushing to VIOLET) Violet, the strangest thing just happened now. As I was coming in the door, I had a dejas vous. Do you know I dreamed about meeting you last night, before we met. Isn't that an amazing coincidence? I have a feeling we have already met in a previous life, on another plane.

Josh. Oh, good grief. Another plane? Was the Hindenberg a plane?

Talk about your feelings
Josh finds he cannot sleep. Charlene rings but Josh finds he is uneasy with his old flame. He sings she chastises his coldness.

I hate you
Later in the morning, Charlene dumps him by fax and he commiserates with Joe, Joe tries to make him feel better by lampooning her dear john letter and sings  "I hate you". Left handed-ness may be symbolic of his falling from grace in Charlene's eyes.

Cheapskate romantic
Joe returns from the date with the news that he has been repulsed. Violet has dismissed him as a cheapskate romantic.

Up Kilkenny
lsed. Violet has called him a "Cheapskate romantic".

Coffee
The following day, the boys visit a fast restaurant to buy coffee and sing "Coffee". While waiting for their order, they  score a job. Baba Ganesh overhears their song about coffee and asks them to write a jingle for the ganesh franchise. "Something about food and eating" he suggests "like teeth going 'ganesh, ganesh' [gnash, gnash]"

Bonjour Mon Amie
Joe meets Sherry and sings to her "Bonjour Mon Amie".

Joe. Please. Pleasey prett. ..

Josh. Pretty please.

Joe. With a Cherry on top

Sherry. Sherry

Josh. I beg your pardon, Sorry?

Sherry (spelling) S-H-E-R-R-Y. Your words. Pretty please avec un Sherry. . . on top, no?

Joe. No (With JOSH nodding yes)

Joe. A french name. Sherry.

Josh. I love your accent. What part of France are you from?

Sherry. Paris, near the tower.

Josh. The tower? What tower?

Joe. I fell [Eiffel] I have been there. .  . on a . . . tower-ist visa

Up Kilkenny
Sherry suggests a celebration of the local sports victory and they all step out together. As they celebrate Sherry sings "Up Kilkenny". Until the grub runs out, then they all go to Margarita-ville.

Are you having fun
Josh has a lonely moment and sings "Are you having fun" when Sherry and Joe get all smoochy.

Fast Food Fantasy
Sherry introduces them to a friend of hers, Jasmine, at a fast food joint. Josh falls for Jasmine, the counter girl. Josh finds his cosmic home in Jasmine as he sings "Fast Food Fantasy" and Jasmine reciprocates.

Vindicated
''Violet and Baba appear at the fast food outlet. Violet carries the news that their ganesh contract has gone viral. Baba is a forward thinker who wants to fund musical commons on the ganesh coffee theme.''

''Things get better still. Violet's former beau, Snooter, has lost the case against them, in fact; the court has awarded them damages, because Snooter has been fraudulently collecting royalties for a song. The family song which Josh's mother sold to Hank Williams. "Gotta hole in it" had fallen into the public domain some years before. ''

Baba. We're going National with this song!

Violet. Global!

Baba. What's the difference?

Violet. Globes are bigger. 'Nationalisation' is where the all the people ina nation owns something and 'globalization' is where one person does. Pooh! nations are small players.

A song
Josh's own mother has a song in the public domain? Cause for musical celebration of the human condition.

We are who we are! It's just "a song". . . .(Closing theme) CURTAIN