Star Infinity Episode 1: The Beginning

October 1, 3161: Starfleet completes charting the entirety of the Milky Way Galaxy. The other various empires of the galaxy cede their space to the United Federation of Planets. Now controlling the entire galaxy, the Federation reestablishes itself as the United Suprederation of Galaxies. "Suprederation" is a portmanteau of "super" and "federation."

September 30, 3301: a bright pink cloud about eight billion miles in diameter penetrates the Galactic Barrier. It heads for Earth, capital world of the Suprederation. As the cloud passes Delta Vega, three Suprederation Butterfly-class "gentleships" intercept it. They are U.S.S. Fairy Princess, U.S.S. Fred Rogers, and U.S.S. Barney the Dinosaur.

The lead ship is Fred Rogers. Flanking her starboard and port are Barney the Dinosaur and Fairy Princess, respectively. Captain Brown, a Klingon botanist, sits in his raised command chair at the center of the blue-lit Bridge of Fred Rogers. While he strokes Spot, his Venus flytrap, his first officer stumbles to his side.

FIRST OFFICER: Damn, it is dark in here! Computer, turn up the lights!

The Bridge brightens very slightly.

FIRST OFFICER: Oh, come on, surely, you can brighten it more!

COMPUTER: If I make it any brighter, it will ruin the drama. Deal with it!

Brown rolls his eyes and sets Spot down on the floor.

BROWN: Tactical. ..

The holographic viewscreen activates. It shows a computer-generated view of the ships approaching the cloud.

BROWN: Visual. ..

The viewscreen switches to a live view of the cloud.

BROWN: Send a friendly greeting.

FIRST OFFICER: Should we not shoot three torpedoes at it, Captain?

BROWN: The Suprederation Starfleet is a peaceful organization, Commander. I do not want this fleet disintegrated by balls of lightning.

COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Cap, our signal cannot penetrate the cloud. We will need to use a probe.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brown sighs.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Very well, launch a probe.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Fred Rogers launches a probe from her forward boom. The probe disappears into the cloud. As the crew waits in silence, a pink ball of lightning suddenly appears.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Holy shit, invasive procedures!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">FIRST OFFICER: Evasive maneuvers, Captain!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Yeah, that!

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">At the Zeta X (10) subspace relay station. A Bolian female, Lieutenant Commander Sloot, converses with Captain Brown via subspace radio.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: What is going on, Captain Brown?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: We intercepted a bright pink cloud, and we are under attack by bright pink balls of lightning!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: I will tell you who has hot pink balls of lightning.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: I am not joking! See for yourself!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sloot's viewscreen switches to a view of the lightning balls harassing the gentleships.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: Hey, that reminds me of V'Ger. Do you reckon that that is V'Ger's sister?

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Meanwhile, at the cloud, one lightning ball finally overwhelms the shields of Barney the Dinosaur. It strikes her hull and envelopes her in extremely bright pink light. The ship subsequently vanishes. However, fortunately, Barney the Dinosaur's crew transports to Fred Rogers before she disintegrates.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Damn it, we lost Barney the Dinosaur!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: I never liked him, not even when I was a child.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: I will call you back, Sloot.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brown terminates the subspace transmission.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Where is Fairy Princess?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">A nine-year-old clone of Shirley Temple enters the Bridge and answers Brown's question.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SHIRLEY TEMPLE CLONE: She is in fairyland.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">She giggles, and Brown turns his chair to look at her.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Who released the Shirley Temple clone?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">FIRST OFFICER: Fairy Princess retreated, Sir.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brown yells various expletives.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The clone covers her ears, as the first officer escorts her from the Bridge. The chief engineer's voice then comes through the intercom.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CHIEF ENGINEER: The warp drive is nonfunctional!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Well then, retreat at full impulse!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Another lightning ball races toward Fred Rogers as she desperately attempts to flee.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">BROWN: Invasive-I mean evasive pattern, delta five!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Eventually the lightning ball strikes the ship, and she suffers the same fate as that of Barney the Dinosaur.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Looking over Sloot's shoulder is Commander Xon, the commanding officer of Zeta X. They witness the gentleships' destruction at the balls of the "Barbie Nebula," as Sloot calls it, via the viewscreen.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: We plotted a course on the cloud, Commander. It will pass fairly close to us.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">XON: Where is it heading?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: Take a wild guess.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">XON: Is it Vulcan?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: Do you not remember, Commander? The future Romulan Nero destroyed Vulcan in 2258.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">XON: Do you not remember, Commander? This is the Prime Universe!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: Oh, right, I knew that. Anyway, it is not heading there. It is on a precise heading for Sol III.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">XON: Mars. ..

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sloot clears her throat.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">XON: Oh, right, Venus.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">SLOOT: Oh, for the sake of the Bajoran Prophets, Xon, have you never studied stellar cartography? It is on a precise heading for Earth!

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">October 1, 3301: it is the 140th anniversary of the foundation of the United Suprederation of Galaxies on Earth. The city of San Francisco is the location of Starfleet Headquarters and the office of the Chief of Starfleet Operations. He is a cross-eyed, bald man with buckteeth, wearing a pair of round, oversized glasses.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Orbiting Earth is a massive dry-dock facility, housing a 2,000-meter long starship with four warp nacelles. The behemoth is U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-AA, built with a hull made of the super-hard and super-strong metal, hollidanium. She is the first super gentleship of the Enterprise-class and the third Suprederation starship to bear the illustrious name. Below is how the Chief of Starfleet Operations (a.k.a. "the Chief") describes Enterprise's exterior design.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">"She is a kit bash of a Federation Ambassador-class saucer, a Romulan Narada-type mining ship, and a Klingon D7-class neck. The 'tendrils' of the mining ship serve as her warp nacelles."

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Please note that that is a very rough description. Take it with a metric ton of salt, with about a kilogram of potassium for good measure. It is now time to look at Enterprise's senior staff. The Chief selected only the "best" to crew the Suprederation's newest flagship.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: Joshua Picard-Kirk

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Rear Admiral

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Commanding Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Male

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 30

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: September 8, 3271

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: Paris, France, European Union, Earth

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rear Admiral Joshua Picard-Kirk descends from James Tiberius Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. The Chief's decision to put this yahoo down in any command chair encountered much criticism. Picard-Kirk slept his way to the admiralty, by seducing and laying any high-up woman that would have him! Rumor has it that he never even fired a phaser before! Despite his failings, however, he is best friends with Larry Burton and his wife Rona Burton.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: William Stephen Decker

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Captain

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: First Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Male

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 21

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: March 4, 3280

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: Utopia Planitia, Mars

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Captain William Stephen Decker descends from Willard Decker and his father, Matthew Decker. He insists that people call him by his middle name, even lower-ranking officers.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">When Willard Decker merged with V'Ger, he created the Borg Collective and became king. His relatives and descendants were now royalty and became "rich beyond the dreams of avarice" to quote a famous 23rd-century physician. Here is the story of William Decker's rise to the captaincy.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Once upon a time, there was a man who sucked his thumb named William Decker. His parents had lots of "bling." He was so dense, it was a wonder he made it through regular school. He continually failed his Starfleet Academy admission exam, so his parents paid for his entrance into the academy. However, he was a thorn in its side and aptly nicknamed "the Starfleet Academy menace," which inspired a play by the same name. He stayed a first-year cadet for five years. Alas, his parents paid the academy to graduate and give him a captain's commission.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Unfortunately, the Chief of Starfleet Operations was as dense as Decker. Come time when the Chief was assigning the crew to Enterprise, he made Decker ship's first officer.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: Rona Burton (née Chekov)

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Commander

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Chief Science Officer/Second Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human/Vulcan

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Female

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 36

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: January 1, 3265

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: New Antarctica, Pluto

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Commander Rona Burton (née Chekov) descends from Spock and Pavel Chekov. She has the Vulcan Pah-roh-dee Syndrome and cannot wear clothes due to an extreme fear of clothing. However, she can and does wear a red clip-on nipple ring, with an arrowhead communicator, on her left breast. She also wears three silver clip-on earrings on her right ear to represent her rank. Despite her disability, the Chief still assigned her the positions of second officer and chief science officer. His reason: "She is a Vulcan, and Vulcans are smart."

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: "Miz" Monique La Forge

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Lieutenant Commander

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Chief Engineering Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Female

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 40

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: July 7, 1970

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: Williamston, North Carolina, United States of America, Earth

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lieutenant Commander "Miz" Monique La Forge is an ancestor of Geordi La Forge. An unexplained temporal "accident" transported her from July 7, 2010 to today. The Chief assumed that since she and La Forge shared ties, that she would make "one Hell of a chief engineer." The Chief gave her a lieutenant commander's commission, and she became Enterprise-AA's chief engineer.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: Larry Burton

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Lieutenant Commander

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Chief Medical Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Male

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 55

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: October 10, 3245

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: Christopher's Landing, Titan

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lieutenant Commander Larry Burton descends not from Leonard McCoy. There is nothing much else to say about him except that he is an excellent surgeon.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: Henrietta Tubman

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Lieutenant

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Communications Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Female

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 35

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: February 2, 3266

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: Ghana, United States of Africa, Earth

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lieutenant Henrietta Tubman descends from Harriet Tubman. The only thing for which she is good is saying, "Hailing frequencies open, Admiral."

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: John Cho

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Lieutenant

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Helm Officer/Tactical Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Male

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 38

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: June 16, 1972

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: Seoul, South Korea, Earth

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lieutenant John Cho is an actor famous for portraying "Hikaru Sulu" in J.J. Abrams's Star Trek. He is another victim of the temporal "accident" and the Chief's stupidity.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Name: Anton Yelchin

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rank: Lieutenant Junior Grade

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Position: Chief Security Officer/Navigation Officer

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Species: Human

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Gender: Male

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Age: 21

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">DOB: March 11, 1989

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Origin: St. Petersburg, Russia, Earth

<p style="text-align: justify; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Biography:

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lieutenant Junior Grade Anton Yelchin is an actor famous for portraying "Pavel Chekov" in J.J. Abrams's Star Trek. He is another victim of the temporal "accident" and the Chief's stupidity.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">An air tram lands at Starfleet Headquarters. Its gull wing door opens, revealing none other than Admiral Picard-Kirk. He exits the air tram, joining an anthropomorphic male hedgehog with blue quills.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Commander Sonic did you get my e-mail about being Enterprise's assistant chief science officer?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: Yes, Admiral, thank you.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Then why are you not aboard?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: Captain Decker requested that I finish running around aimlessly here.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Enterprise is in final preparation to leave dock.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">With the unoriginality of this scene making him nauseous, Sonic says his next line.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: This will require 24 hours at minimum. Damn it, Admiral, you owe me 20 bucks if I throw up!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Yeah, we are totally ripping off the scene where my favorite ancestor is talking with Commander Sonak.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: What do you mean your favorite ancestor? Do you not like Captain Picard?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: That crybaby Picard could not defeat Soran, so Kirk had to do it! What happened to Kirk? He died!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: Well, Kirk said that he would die either alone or with a bald Frenchman.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk sighs.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Anyway, do not beam to Enterprise. Take a shuttle.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: Why should I do that?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: If you use the transporter, it will scramble your molecules. You will be what Starfleet "got back that did not live long."

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">COMMANDER SONIC: What makes you say that? Are Enterprise's transporters broken?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: No, never mind. ..

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Later, Picard-Kirk beams to the orbital office complex where Lieutenant Commander "Miz" Monique La Forge greets him.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">MIZ MONIQUE: Hey, Admiral, why did you not beam directly to Enterprise?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk, unsure how to answer the question, changes the subject.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Miz Monique, have you lost weight?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">MIZ MONIQUE: I do not reckon. All I did was walk round K-Mark.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk and Miz Monique board a travel pod and the rear airlock doors close.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Are you ready for it.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">MIZ MONIQUE: What is it, Admiral?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: It is the long-ass, monotonous tour of the docked Enterprise.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The travel pod labeled "47" undocks from the office complex. An hour passes, and the travel pod docks at the port airlock of Enterprise's saucer. The airlock doors open, and a female ensign in a green uniform discovers two bodies on the floor. It is Picard-Kirk and Miz Monique, and they are asleep, drooling out the sides of their mouths.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk sits in the command chair on the Bridge. Miz Monique is in engineering. Captain Decker sits beside Picard-Kirk, sucking his thumb. Commander Rona sits in a fetal position, rocking back and forth in her chair at the science station. Lieutenants Cho and Yelchin sit with their legs up on their respective consoles. Lieutenant Tubman has earphones on, listening to her iPod. Her console starts beeping. Tubman does not hear it. However, it startles Rona, making her scream.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Calm down, Rona, Miss Tubman, answer that. . . Miss Tubman!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Tubman removes her headphones.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Your console is beeping.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Tubman pushes a button on her console.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK'S DAUGHTER: Hey, Dad, this is, like, your daughter.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Which daughter are you? I have several.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK'S DAUGHTER: I do not know, but, like, some Larry person will not beam over because of, like, transporter phobia or something.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: I am going down there.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">STEPHEN: Khan might be down there!

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk enters the transporter room and heads to the transporter console. He pushes a button on the console.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Larry, why will you not beam up here?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Larry's voice comes through the intercom.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">LARRY: I have transporter phobia, Josh!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Look, Larry, I need you badly! Besides, your wife is onboard. You want to be with your wife do you not?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">LARRY: Oh, all right.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Larry Burton appears with a long beard touching the transporter pad.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: I am glad that the transporter brought you here in one piece, Larry. However, jeez man, do you not shave!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">LARRY: Damn it, Josh, I am a doctor, not a barber!

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The senior staff sits on the stage in Enterprise's auditorium. The rest of the crew sits in the audience. Picard-Kirk steps up to the lectern.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Hi, everyone. ..

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The audience answers in tired monotone.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">AUDIENCE: Hello, Admiral Picard-Kirk. ..

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk chuckles nervously.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: The former commander, chief engineer, and navigator of Enterprise-Z, as well as the paparazzi, are accompanying us on our maiden voyage. I want everyone on their best behavior because these are distinguished guests. Moreover, I hear that Captain Ahab ran a very tight ship, and I would hate it for him to see you act like fools. That is all, thank you.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The audience departs.

<p style="text-align: center; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">***

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">A champagne bottle spins through space and smashes against the hull, christening Enterprise-AA. Nameless extras clap in the dry-dock maintenance and observation booth. Retired Captain Ahab of the Picard-class U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-Z enters the Bridge from the turbo-lift. A woman with very untidy hair immediately shoves a Nintendo Game Boy in his face.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">WOMAN: How does it feel to be back on Enterprise's Bridge?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CAPTAIN AHAB: Go away, woman, and brush your hair!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The paparazzi gather round Ahab, his former navigator Galileo, and his former chief engineer Ramses. However, Rona begins hallucinating that she is an Eymorg woman, searching for Spock's brain. She runs round the Bridge, prompting the paparazzi to disband.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">RONA: Where is Spock's brain? What is a brain, anyway?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: All right, you damned gossip gluttons! There will be plenty of time for questions later! Captain Ahab, Captain Galileo, Captain Ramses, I am honored to meet you.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CAPTAIN GALILEO: What is the deal with the naked Vulcan chick running amok? Is it her "amok time?"

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Larry, who shaved earlier, answers the question.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">LARRY: It is always her "amok time." That is one reason I married her. Despite her Pah-roh-dee Syndrome, she is good. She is very good.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: She is my second officer and chief science officer.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CAPTAIN RAMSES: What is happening to Starfleet?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CAPTAIN AHAB: It is that damnable new Chief of Starfleet Operations! He is so stupid that he put this whack-job here in command of the Suprederation flagship. Then he assigned her a crew of mentally unsound people!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Picard-Kirk, though unhappy with Ahab's comment, forces himself to smile.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: Would you care to take your seats?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The three men take their seats.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: All right, folks, here is the rundown. We are to slingshot round Pluto and come back, so that we may dump you assholes off at Starbase 001. Then we intercept the "Barbie Nebula." Are there any questions?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">An anthropomorphic female hedgehog with pink quills raises her hand.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: What is your question, Miss Rose?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">AMY ROSE: Where is Sonic?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: He is puking in the restroom.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">AMY ROSE: You know that you owe him 20 bucks now, right?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: How well I know. Anyway, Captain Ahab, it would honor me if you gave the order to get underway.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Captain Ahab stands up, adjusts his uniform, and clears his throat.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CAPTAIN AHAB: Get this damn boat moving!

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">The Bridge erupts into applause. Picard-Kirk sits in his command chair. He rocks the chair slightly, making it squeak. Larry comes to his side.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">LARRY: What is wrong, Josh?

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PICARD-KIRK: I miss my old office chair. Oh, well, Mr. Cho, you heard Captain Ahab.

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">CHO: Yes, Sir

<p style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.5in; margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Cho presses a few buttons, and the thrusters of Enterprise-AA fire. As she slowly creeps out of dry-dock, she gradually veers to starboard. Captain Ahab darts to the helm controls, relieves Cho, and is able to adjust course. However, Enterprise still scrapes the starboard dry-dock wall. Ahab yells expletives in several languages.