Category talk:Chronicles of Kings and Knights/1

Okay. Some considerations:
 * This story is incomplete, but the original draft was either one of my first tries at writing anything bigger than a school paper, or my first (Memory fails me), just for the heck of it. I wouldn't even publish it or anything.
 * The main characters were reverse stereotypes of many fantasy writings. An egoistical, uncaring and strong princess and a coward, weak and dishonest hero. Now, in revampment I changed the hero for an normal archetipal hero, only more so. He's arrogant, overly fearless and loves to brag about less than truthful things (Like when he marched for six days straight during the great withdrawal in the third Lukavian war and how he fought an army of tree-men in the desertic continent of Sumdo). But this story is not a parody. I just wanted to break some stereotypes.
 * I made some modifications to the prologue and transformed the four small chapters I had wrote in only two.
 * I don't actually have a plot besides the "Leading guy and leading lady unite to defeat evil wizard" thing. But for now I think they should go in some quest for reinforcements.
 * If you edit. The focus of the story should be the characters and character development. The world should be described to give atmosphere, though.

Putting some made-up in-universe quote in the beginning of each chapter could be nice. (If Modred don't mind by me kinda stealing his idea). Also, I just thought that the evil wizard could want a magical crystal in Hobenrûd's possession (Yes, I was very influenced by the Robin Hood legend/real history for the story's premise), to have more chance for conflict --Nonimportant 16:36, 19 March 2007 (UTC)

The world
The world where this story takes place is very low fantasy. Besides magic and strange creatures like dragons and miers, it's just like alternative reality. But i believe that low fantasy isn't synonym of bad fantasy, as many people here probably heard of one well known low fantasy character. His name is...King Arthur or something :).

Major regions
There are four major regions in Hur (The planet where this story is set), the Island of Sumdo, the Sardinian Archipelago, the Eastern Continent (That before the discovery of the Western Continent was called simply continent, and this story is set before the discovery.) and the Western Continent.

Sumdo
It's a big island based on ancient Africa, only with dragons. It has a big desert in the center and is divided into many warring tribes and some kingdoms. The most important nation there is the kingdom of Jyptia, based in ancient Egypt, ruled by a dinasty of kings called Amons, The current Amon is Rá.

Sardinian Archipelago
A bunch of city states greatly influenced by the major city-state of Sardina. Sardina interferes so much with their economy and politcs that they sometimes refer to themselves as part of the Sardina Empire. The Sardina Empire is the most technologically advanced nation in the entire world. They are based in the european naval powers of the latter middle ages and early modern age, like Italy and Portugal, so all the characters from Sardina should have latin-sounding names (Júli, Manil, Dimietri, etc).

Eastern Continent
The "normal" kind of fantasy world, with knights, wizards, priests and so on. Many small kingdoms that own many hamlets and villages. Only two major kingdoms: Lukavia and Ruivoca.

Western Continent
It is not planned to be visited in this story but it is where most of the steam punk one should happen. The Sardina Empire recently discovered lands here, but wanted to build more shipyards in the easter continent before exploring the region. It is inhabited by many tribes and few kingdoms like Sumdo, but instead of being based in Africa, it is based on southeast asia (Bamboo, monkeys, etc).

Religion
The people from Sumdo, Continent and Sardina worship the same pantheon of Gods, but believe that different Gods hold an important place. There are six Gods, and each month of the Hur year is named for one of them: Sarda, God of water, Sallund, God of light, Kiros, the bloody God, Jarnia, Godess of life, Sia, Godess of trees and crops and Geres, God of earth. The Sardinans believe Sarda is the most important (They named their city in His homage), Ruivoca and Lukavia believe Sallund is the most important and the Jyptians believe Geres is the most important.

Time
To keep things simple, the time counting will be in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years. The only difference is that in this world they have only six months with forty days each and that consequentially the year has only 240 days.

Miers
Miers are big quadruped reptiles that normally walk on two legs and run on four. They don't need much water or food. Their main food staple is grass and berries from the lower branches of trees. Miers used for mounting are usually either trained for always walking on two legs or outfitted with an seating that the rider can use to remain upright at all times.

Characters
Due to the insistent yells of the crowd, here goes a brief psychological and background (SPOILERS!!!) descriptions of the characters (The psychoanalysis part, with adjectives, is from the beginning of the story. It may change over time):

Hobenrûd
The archetypal swashbuckler hero, only more exaggerated. Arrogant, single minded, idealist, extravagant and always trying to make jokes with any situation. He was lauded (And rightly so) as a hero many times during the king's wars. But then he was sent to quell a rebellion in a village. The commander of his platoon forced the other soldiers with him to kill children, in order to set an example. he could have stopped them, but was too dazed to do so. He killed the commander, but only after the bloodshed. He's practically obsessed with overthrowing the king, for the good of the oppressed people, and also because of his guilty conscience. He tries to hide it behind a funny persona.

Marin
A reverse stereotype of the usual fantasy princesses. Egoistical, impulsive, uncaring, and don't need to be saved at every turn. Only rarely is allowed into the outside world, but still learns of her stepfather's misdeeds from visitors of the palace. She thinks she's really daughter of the king and is worried that she may die before him, thanks to his magical powers. She intends to use Hobenrûd's revolutionary movement to become the queen, but she needs to gain his trust (He also thinks she's really the daughter of the king).

Gilbert
The obligatory intelligent, semi-cripple, behind-of-scenes man. Intelligent, unforgiving, scheming, thinks before doing (I don't know an adjective for that) and cares more about other people than himself. Was a strategist in the king's army, but openly disagreed with his POW policies and was demoted to foot soldier, in Hobenrûd platoon. Was sent to quell various rebellions and had the life saved many times by Hoben. So they became friends more or less. Until they are sent to quell a rebellion in Tumh, where Gilbert refused to kill children. The commander took an arrow, stuck it Gilbert's leg and twisted it. Shortly after, Hobenrûd killed the commander and the other soldiers escaped. Gilbert took the arrow out of his leg, cut the commander's head, stuck the arrow in the dead man's eye and burnt it (To emphasize his unforgiveness). He now seeks revenge on the king, for demoting him and nearly getting him killed.

==Review by: Yunzhong   Hou  5000+ edits==

5/5. Very well written, with good continuation and a scattering of humor. Keep up the good work! Yunzhong  Hou  5000+ edits 19:00, 19 March 2007 (UTC)

Even if this was true, it could still be so much better. Welcome back, by the way (Or did you think I wouldn't miss you?). :) --Nonimportant 19:22, 19 March 2007 (UTC)

My favorite highlights:


 * The stuttering count of Simen who didn't know what to say and rushed out with the money
 * Interesting quotes at the beginning of every chapter
 * Dark Humor - “I think I killed your husband.”
 * Dark Humor - “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt her, in fact, I’ll even adopt her after you marry me.”
 * What's this!? - "the princess, without thinking twice, ran towards him, tearing her dress apart"
 * Irony - "she felt something cold on her back, ‘’cold as steel’’"
 * Humor - "“How are we supposed to get support if we start killing people for no reason?”"
 * Dramatic irony - "Now…Left! Up! Right! Left! Up! Left! Hahah! "
 * Humor - "She was pretending!”"
 * Humor - "Okay, so you're gonna be my vice subheadmaster"

Yeah, the humor is awesome. QED.

Thanks for the welcome back, too! Yunzhong  Hou  5000+ edits 19:40, 20 March 2007 (UTC)

YES!!!I love the term QED,I end all my entries at 64D with itUser:Serprex 19:45, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

I had this idea for the series as a whole, the king may be a guy from the future (I was thinking of calling him "Kim Jong" to keep with the Robin Hood references), that used some wacky magical technology to change history, so that his family wasn't persecuted and killed in the future. He would first go to the steampunk age, but a malfunction in his device would send him to the medieval age, without chances for a comeback (Yes, I know that, according to chaos theory, time travel is impossible, because if a guy from the future came to the past and, for example, breathed, he would forever change causality, but this is a fantasy world). So, what you think? --Nonimportant 23:06, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

Go with the ChaosTheory(It'd be cool(Though hard to write right))User:Serprex 00:17, 24 March 2007 (UTC)

Actually, I was asking if it would be a good plot if I disregarded chaos theory and had Kim Jong going to the past, and then causing the future he tried to prevent. Because if I took chaos theory in account, time travel would be impossible. --Nonimportant 15:00, 24 March 2007 (UTC)

And did I mention that this was a good story?
And did I mention that this was a good story? 01:35, 6 April 2007 (UTC)

No...I think you didn't :). What exactly you liked most? I need critics if I am ever to become better at this. --Nonimportant 03:28, 6 April 2007 (UTC)

Okay...now what did I do wrong? --Nonimportant 18:35, 8 April 2007 (UTC)

Feedback

 * I think that's a very old concept, used with varying degrees of luck (Frank Herbert was very good at it). I like it, and you make it work. Great story overall! --dllu 20:45, 8 April 2007 (UTC)


 * So you like the quotes. Besides that, did you like or dislike anything particularly? Anything, be it characters, dialogue, humour or plot. It's just that I want to learn to write better with every story I write, and the best way to do that is with critics. --Nonimportant 21:03, 8 April 2007 (UTC)

Perhaps a bit more elaboration would keep it more interesting and longer. There's quite a few interesting moments in your story, but they don't last long enough. 21:22, 8 April 2007 (UTC)

That's my main problem, the way I see it. I always manage to get interesting bits, but it's kinda hard for me to get an interesting overall. What the hey, if you have any ideas, feel free to add them. --Nonimportant 21:34, 8 April 2007 (UTC)


 * I wish I could give you some pointers, but that's my problem too: I think: well, I said what needed to be said in this chapter on 10 pages, so why use 20? I always marvel at people who can spend 700 pages having their characters go from A to B. I wish I could do that... --dllu 22:10, 8 April 2007 (UTC)

Yes, you've said what needs to be said, but then it's more like a laundry list than an epic. Too much (ie. 700 pages going from A to B) is usually not a good thing either. You said what you need to say, but there's more that others need to know in order to be immersed in your story. So elaborate! 22:19, 8 April 2007 (UTC)


 * Hey, I elaborated (One night lasting two chapters? What, you wanted three?) what I could, but else can I say about what happened until now? Maybe I could put an entire chapter describing the characters, but I wanted to "describe" their psychological selves through their thoughts, dialogues and actions (As you can see, I never openly stated, in the text: "Hobenrûd is arrogant", but one can infer that.) and I wouldn't be able to spend an entire chapter describing them physically. --Nonimportant 22:34, 8 April 2007 (UTC)

I know what you mean, and I know that's exactly what makes me think of a good novel as "good" (when it's not overdone). I can recognize and appreciate it when good writers do it - I just can't seem to do it myself. Not in the first go, anyway. That's why I'm always amazed when people talk about having to cut maybe 10-15% off their first draft in editing. To me it's more or less the other way round: when I read the story myself, I find all the places where I need to add stuff, not cut it away. --dllu 23:05, 8 April 2007 (UTC)
 * (Edit: I would post some of my stuff here, but it's not in English...)

Yeah, most writers can see the world and plot unfolding in their mind and so have tons and tons of stuff that they can say, and since they're fast and skilled at writing it just flows out onto the paper/screen/file, and before long they realize that other people won't want to read all the fine details. 01:08, 9 April 2007 (UTC)

If you mean that I'm not skilled at writing, yes, you're right. If you mean I can't picture this world I created, the characters and the plot, then no (Seriously, I even made a drawing of the two main characters, to help the concept, made annotations about the world and its History, besides those that I put here, I drew a map, to help with geography and I speak the dialogues (Not too loud), before writing them, to see if they don't sound too strange.). but I just, for better or for worse, don't feel like writing the fine details (Whatever they are, I don't know what details I could add, except in physical descriptions, maybe, I'll see if I add something like that). Like I said, feel free to help, be bold. --Nonimportant 02:56, 9 April 2007 (UTC)


 * I think you're absolutely right. Having a story in your head (more or less fleshed out) and getting it down on the page are two very different things. The first part I don't believe you can learn, either you have it or you don't; the latter is a matter of practice.
 * I always enjoy the world building part (whether it be fantasy, sci fi or alternate history), but when it comes to the actually storyline, that's where the problems set in. Maybe I should just write RPG settings instead of prose fiction...--dllu 10:15, 9 April 2007 (UTC)