Talk:The Tower/0

"her hands moved as if there was literally nothing in their way" -- uh... Duh, it's called 'thin air', which is like literally nothing anyway.

I got confused by all these names. They're not especially memorable, considering how they're supposedly in a different language.

"It was even closer. It practically touched the ocean now. The water it touched boiled immediately, coiling away in angry hisses of red steam. Instinct taking over her immediately, she dashed as fast as she could into the forest. The villagers followed, running as fast as their feet could take them, stumbling over roots. They were driven by pure fear at the great ball of flames that gnawed away at the shore." -- I get the feeling that this orb is high up in the sky, and expanding, like a red giant star. In that case it should touch the horizon at about the same time it hits the ground where they're standing. What's the point in running into the woods? I think the problem here is that your description of the coming of the orb isn't clear enough. Only later on do I get the impression that it's a person-sized entity.

...Besides, the woods is the last place to run if the seas are lit aflame.

"Zhilong soared over the protruding knees of the trees" -- protagonist can fly?

"She could see the wall of water shoot straight up and come back down with a loud slam" -- I'm not getting what the water is doing.

When did the protagonist end up in the ocean?

"There were many less trees" -- check.

Are we going to find out what is going through the protagonist's mind while all this is happening?

They know the same language as the protagonist? But then... "She could only understand bits and pieces of these peoples’ language; not reply back."

"She was now a countrywoman of this land." -- Awkward juxtaposition of country and land.

Overall, it's nice, but it was quite rushed development. I hope the rest of the story is not dominated by cataclysm.

Abcxyzzzz 20:16, 15 March 2008 (UTC)