Moomin

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Moomins (Moominus hippopotamicus) are generally peaceful creatures, but not much about these white little bullows, as they are rather rare. The study of Moomins is referred to as 'lanitology'; the study of lanitees. Lanitees are the result of Manatees evolving into land-dwelling animals.

Moomins Natural habitat
Legends have been told by the elder scrolls, that a legendary magical place exists west from turku hat a magical land exists. That land is been told that is full of happy little moomins. Legend tells that if you try and take a moomin from its natural habitat it will RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!!! then eat it, shit it out and piss on where your face was in triumph. Nobody really knows.

Moomin Valley
When the moomins first came to 'their' valley, it was a peaceful place inhabited by Mymbles and Hemulens. However they enslaved these primitive people and forced them to produce plum jam in the Moomin House, a code word for slave camp. As time passed others came to this valley, including a small, kangaroo like creature named Sniff who used his cold hearted nature to rise among the moomin ranks. Eventually he became a close friend of Moomintroll, the heir to the moomin fortune. On one of their slave hunts they met an activist named Snufkin. He had been travelling to Moomin Valley to protest against the factory by sticking up posters and chaining stuff to other stuff, but this chance encounter seemed to be a sign that he could accomplish more. He befriended Moomintroll, which resulted in the near abandonment of Sniff and moved into moominvalley. After some time (during which Moominmamma and Pappa married Moomintroll off to wealthy hotel heiress, Snork Maiden) he decided to bomb the factory. Sniff discovered this dasteredly scheme and tried to tell the Moomins, but Snufkin killed him before he had a chance. Now covered in blood, Snufkin planted the bomb but before he was able to escape Moomintroll confronted him. He told Snufkin that his marriage was a hollow sham, partly because of the Snork Maiden's odd relationship with her brother, but also because he loved another. Snufkin was no dim lightbulb, and knew exactly what Moomintroll was implying. He also knew that he was no match for Moomintroll in a fight and that losing would lead inevitably to rape. As most people would do in this situation, Snufkin chose death and pressed the trigger sending everyone within half a mile of Moomin Valley straight to Moomin Hell.

The first known Moomins (Ollie's ancestor Jeminigillybob)


Moomins are believed to of have evolved from a rare type of cross breed between a hippo and an albino monkey in Moomin Valley approximately 10 000 years ago. They were considered generally gentle and calm creatures until it was discovered that Papa Moomin and several other moomins were eating their own young as a post-pregnancy abortion.

Moomins in politics
Moomins are a considerable political force in Finland, Sweden, and Japan. In Finland, Moominmamma has even been elected president. The political agenda of Moomin parties in these countries remains somewhat unclear. Moomins have traditionally been supporters of international dialogue and raspberry juice. They have often expressed their desire to reach a happy ending in times of international conflict. Whether Hideki Tojo, the infamous Japanese military commander, was actually a Moomin is open to doubt, despite of the claims introduced in the book Moomins and Militarism in the Far East by Finnish historian Juhani Suomi.

Moomins in terrorist activities
Following the tragic events of 9/11, a rather small group of mooministic extremists known as "The fluffy white wings of Mullah" were top suspects of the crime. This was mainly because they had always sworn to "fly heavy objects into tall significant land things" unless Finland surrendered the insignificant island of Åland to their leader: Papa Moomins bastard son: Usama Ahtisaari. The Swedish secret service (SEPPO) raided Moomin Valley in 10/11 (they were delayed due to some misunderstanding concerning the notation of date used in the US) and retrieved the original plans written by Usama Ahtisaari. However, the plans said that a large hot air balloon would be flown into the eiffel tower while flying in the same direction as the wind, thus causing maximum damage. It was now clear that The Fluffy White Wings Of Mullah had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks. Many experts on terrorism (including the creators of Jamba and some mosquito breeders) believe that the plans were stolen from "the fluffy wings" by a US spy and modified before the actual attacks. The US Government of course had to test the plans to see if the nation was vulnerable to such an attack, this then led to the actual "terrorist" attack on 9/11.

Luckily the moomins weren't convicted, after vigorous LAND SURVEYING by Brendan Urie.

Famous Moomins

 * Martti Ahtisaari aka Papa Moomin, former Finnish President
 * Moominmamma, Finnish President
 * Göran Persson, Swedish Prime Minister
 * Fredrik Reinfeldt, Swedish Prime Minister
 * Eminem, prior to her conversion to the Japanese way of the pillow
 * Ryan Speed, former owner or Parcel "sauce" Force, prior to huffing related injuries
 * Lauren Bowman, Irish school girl who heroically saved something once.

Muumit ムーミン Mummitrollet Muminek Mumintrollen