Pirates of the Caribbean spoof/2

X: Turtle Island!
An ISLAND in the Caribbean, sadly not in the shape of a TURTLE. JOHNNY and ORLANDO are wandering through the ramshackle streets, avoiding assorted brawls, drunks, brawling drunks and PROZZIES.

JOHNNY
 * Turtle Island, mate! A unique, proliferous bouquet that just so happens to be a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. Look, there's a guy being dunked in a well. And a ho! Hi, ho!

RED-HAIRED HO
 * [approaching] Gasp! Where did you get that darling makeup?

BLONDE-HAIRED HO
 * [also approaching] Lawks! You must let me try that eyeliner, it's simply divine!

JOHNNY
 * Er...time to go.

Our heroes hurry away from a steadily-growing group of blusher-obsessed LADIES OF NEGOTIABLE AFFECTION.

JOHNNY
 * Not sure I deserved that. I mean, it's all part of the character, you know?

ORLANDO
 * Sure it is.

They arrive outside a PIGSTY. A MAN is asleep inside.

ORLANDO
 * We came all this way for some pigs?

JOHNNY
 * It's not the pigs, mate.

ORLANDO
 * What, old Sideburns McGee got a ship hidden in his muttonchops, has he?

MCNALLY
 * [waking]
 * Ahoy now, there be no need for digs at the facial gubbins, boy!

MCNALLY spots JOHNNY standing next to ORLANDO. He does a hairy double-take.

MCNALLY
 * Great Scott! Johnny! Ye know it's bad luck to be dissing another man's muttonchops!

JOHNNY
 * Aha, fortunately for me then that I know how to counter it. The men who did the dissing buy the man who sports the dubious muttonchops a drink. Said muttonchop-laden man drinks the drink while listening to a proposition from the men who did the dissing. Capeesh?

MCNALLY
 * [thinking]
 * ...Aye, a drink'll about do it!

ORLANDO
 * Might I interest you in a sword to trim the scraggly bits?

JOHNNY
 * Better make that two...

The little band arrives at THE FAITHFUL BRIDE tavern, formerly known as THE MOS EISLEY CANTINA. JOHNNY buys MCNALLY a drink.

JOHNNY
 * Right. I'm going after the BLACK PEARL.

MCNALLY
 * That's crazy-insane. I'm in!

ORLANDO
 * That was quick for a man who is scared of fog.

JOHNNY
 * Well, the whole "recruiting a pirate in a rowdy cantina"'s a little overplayed, ay? Let's just cut to...

XI: Dancing Cartoon Skeletons
The BLACK PEARL drifts through the foggy night. KEIRA is still onboard.