Hyperprice/1

Captain's log of the Hyperprice, stardate: 1543-96745/LACU/á_Und_2314, date of the the first launch.

Space. Its...spacious, vast...vastness is...screw that. Starting again. Caham... Space. The final frontier. The last unexplored bastion in a world of discoveries. I am captain James Kleiser Quirk. And me and the crew...or is it 'the crew and I'? ...anyway...We will enter that bastion, going where no man has ever really wanted to go before.

Captain's log of the Hyperprice, stardate: 8454]d87r6-547fn/GREEN SNUFFLES,;&$gabrin.

Being a captain is not such a exciting affair as I previously thought. Nothing happened yesterday, and I believe the crew is starting to grow weary. They look at me as if I was supposed to do something besides whining about how boring this thing is. I think their eyes, their dark, scornful eyes can read deep into my soul, and I feel I'll break at any second.

Earlier this day, or at least I think it was this day, you can never tell in this shifty space, this shifty, space that only wants you to turn your back before eating your heart out. I can feel the eyes of creatures horrible beyond my imagination watching me, eating me inside, Lovecraft-ily.

Where was I? Oh yes, then he asked me if I wanted coffee. I could tell by his evil gaze that he just wanted to kill me with poisoned coffee, or even worse...laxatives. When I refused, by subtly implying that he may have possibly tainted my coffee with his evil intentions, he seemed offended. I know he is plotting my demise now. So that's why I'll never sleep again. NEVER!

Later, one of my administrators came asking for a pay rise. I knew he would spend that pay raise buying nulear bombs and strap them onto the ship in order to blow me to smithereens, so I said no, of course. And I might also have yelled for him to tell that to his illuminati friends, I'm not sure.

Then, when sat on my captain chair in order to observe the bridge, I noticed that our course was suspiciously close to a red star. Quickly understanding their devious plan of throwing the ship into the sun and killing us all, I punched and kicked everyone and manage to change our course. The bastards, seeing that I foiled their plan, stoof there motionlessly, as I triumphally returned to my quarters, where I stand now.

Soon. Very soon, I'll have to get rid of them.