The Mummy Spoof

A parody of the 1999 film The Mummy. Anyone who has seen the film is encouraged to contribute

Darkness, then Universal Studios logo.

Fade to scene of pyramid with the sun behind it (sun fades into giant eye).

Giant Voice: BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!! Just kiddin'. Sorry, I just had to do that.

Giant Eye fades back to sun. Camera pans down over giant Sphinx statue with an extremely goofy expression on its face. Pans over several views of ancient Egyptian city of Thebes.

Narrator: Thebes. City of the Living. Crown Jewel of Pharaoh Rutentuten II.

Rutentuten (who resembles Brad Pitt) drives by in his chariot (which is made of cardboard and pulled by a bunch of actors in horse costumes). Switch to scene on balcony of temple.

Narrator [continuing]: Home of Imhotep, Pharaoh's High Priest, Keeper of the Dead. And the doughnuts too.

Imhotep pulls a doughnut out of his robe, turns his head and quickly eats it while he thinks no one is looking. Cut to scene inside temple, where a scantily clad Angelina Jolie is walking.

Narrator: Princess Shap-Elli-But-Tocks (but since that's too hard to say we'll just call her "Shap-Elli"), Pharaoh's wife. Other men were forbidden to touch her.

Priests alongside the walls pretend not to notice as she walks by, but secretly gape at her large buns wagging back and forth. She enters room where Imhotep is waiting. They begin passionately necking. Cut back to Priests in other wing of temple, who are attempting to shut the door on Brad Pitt--er, Rutentuten II. Pharaoh forces door open.

Pharaoh: What the hell are you guys doing here?

Priest: Oh, nothing. Just helping your high priest in his plot to murder you, take your wife and rule the empire in your place.

Pharaoh: Oh, ok. That's nice. Carry on then.

Pharaoh turns around to go, when suddenly he stops and jerks back around.

Pharaoh: WAIT A MINUTE! I just figured it out. You guys are helping my High Priest in his plot to murder me, take my wife and rule my empire in my place!

Priests [all nodding at one another]: He's catchin' on!

Brad Pitt--er, Pharaoh, storms into room where Shap-Elli is waiting.

Pharaoh: SO! Though you could deceive me that easily, huh? I'm much cleverer than you think!

Suddenly, Imhotep appears from behind and grabs the king's sword. Pharaoh turns around.

Pharaoh: Aha! Imhotep! I knew you were planning something like this all along. Am I a genius or what?

Imhotep: Your deductive powers amaze me, your highness!

Shap-Elli suddenly stabs Pharaoh from behind, but misses.

Shap-Elli: Oh damn. I need to practice this more.

Angelina Jolie