By James

"Captain's log stardate 2468, I, Captain Roselyn Grekor am making a log entry because if I don't, I'll have to hear my Bulkhead science officer Mr. Cork lecture me on Confederation protocol 3837-B-- "Er, Captain, I mean not to interrupt, but that protocol is the one that prevents us from breaking up hippie gatherings on Confederation colony planets." Says Mr. Cork. "Darn-it-all Mr. Cork, I am a captain, not a beaurecrat!" She says. "Which protocol should I say then?" She asks. "I forgot." Says Mr. Cork. Roselyn slaps her hand on her forehead in disgust. "Mr. Noogie, engage our praw drive, praw factor one." Says Roeslyn. "Where are we going, Captain?" Asks Noogie. "Let's take Mr. Cork to a black hole and throw him in there!" She says. "Captain, I must protest!" Says Cork. "All right, Mr. Cork, protest, I will record it in my log, and it will be ignored." Roeslyn says and she starts spinning her chair. "According to Confederation protocol 5252-BCV: Thou shalt not throw thy science officer in a black hole without warrant." Says Mr. Cork. "Funny how you remembered that protocol, yet you couldn't remember the other one. Do all Bulkheads have gaps in their knowledge?" Asks Roselyn Cork crosses his arms in disgust. "Mr. Noogie, why aren't we going?" Asks Roselyn. "Oh, sorry, sir, ma'am, uh, whatever, that's just the screensaver." Mr. Noogie turns off the screensaver and the stars are passing way to quickly to be praw one. "Uh, Mr. Noogie, what speed are we going?" Asks Roselyn. "Praw factor ninety-one, sir, ma'am, uh, whatever." Mr. Noogie says. "Mr. Noogie, I said praw factor one! Not ninety-one!" Roselyn says. The lights go out. "Ah, great keptin, ye had t' say something." Says Mr. Checkin't'kash. "Shut up Mr. Checkin't'kash! Where are we Mr. Cork?" She asks. "Sir, if I may note the power went out, and when that happens, nothing usually works. I find you to be highly illogical, Captain." Says Cork. "Cap'n the engines have sustained minjor damage!" Says Mr. Scotty-Rolls. "Minjor damage?" Asks Roselyn. "Oh, that's between Minor and Major, Captain. Oh, and we just had a continuity error." Scotty-Rolls says. "What do you mean?" Asks Roselyn. "I am talking on an electrical-power intercom when the power's out."

Two
"Captain's log stardate: 1000000--" "Er, Captain?" Asks Cork. "What!" Screams Roselyn. "I know the stardates are random and all, but, don't you think you're going a little too high?" Asks Cork. "Is there a protocol that says I can't go that far?" Asks Roselyn. "Er, no." Cork says. "Good." ''"Captain's log stardate 1--" "Oh! I just remembered the protocol for the one about the captain's log. Confederation protocol-- protocol-- Oh, darn, I forgot again."