A Christmas Carol (Funny Version)

A lighthearted parody of the popular novel A Christmas Carol. Contributions Welcome!

Chapter One
Marley was dead. Dead as a doornail, in fact! Or perhaps it was a doorknob. Or maybe it was a dead frog. Oh well, he was dead, just accept it! So anyway, Marley was dead, dead as...oh forget it. All the official papers had been properly signed by the witnesses to make them legal...witnesses who wanted all the dough, that is. The Impressive Clergyman signed the papers. The city clerk signed them. The undertaker signed them. The bishop signed them, the baker signed them, the police signed them, his dog and cat signed them...even Ebenezer Stooge (I mean, Scrooge) signed them, and everyone knew that everything Scrooge signed had to be perfectly legal! Otherwise they wouldn't get their share of his loot.

Yes, Marley was dead as a cockroach!

Did Scrooge know he was dead? No, in fact he was sitting at home watching TV and eating popcorn the whole time. DUH!! Of course he did!! How could he not know? After all, Scrooge and Marley had been business partners for many years. Besides, Scrooge was the executer of Marley...I mean, Marley's estate. Scrooge was Marley's only friend, his only mourner ('cause he wouldn't get as much money anymore), and the only beneficiary of his estate. I don't know what that means, look it up in the dictionary. Anyway, Scrooge was an excellent business man and even on the day of Marley's death (which caused him no pain or grief, by the way, except that he wouldn't get as much money) he took advantage of the happy sad event by offering his customers special bargains.