Talk:The Inkwar

This work has plenty of description, which is always crucial to developing fantasy stories. In this case, however, the description wasn't even close to what might be expected. So much happens in two pages, and so many concepts are introduced, that readers are bewildered. Some occurrences are poorly explained, such as the rising land - which reflects the author's desire to throw in a powerful, 'awe-inspiring' element to the story, but which turns out to be little more than deux ex machina - which is quite distasteful in a story.

However, the main problem might be that the situation is incredibly awkward. Some writers, in their attempt to be original, cast pens&pencils, atoms&molecules, and other things as their 'people' and then personify them anyway. This causes strange questions such as how can they 'die', why they'd wash each other, and even how they can possibly move or communicate with each other. Instead of the pen and pencil writing to each other, for example, this story has them arguing with each other, ie. verbally, which is yet again awkward. This is why I suggest focusing on people rather than inanimate objects for the story.

Hope that helps,

14:33, 26 January 2008 (UTC)