Stanley the Satanist

For Blood Orchid, the guy/gal/alien/A.I. that said he/she/it likes dark humour

'And in case you don't know what dark humour means, it's really bad, bad stuff...So run away and cover your ears kid! It's the only way! RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE!!!' ''Unless, of course you're...13 (Well, they let five-years-olds listen to that story with wolves eating little girls). In which case your mind is clearly more suited to bear the dark memories of death and despair (than, say, one day before you were 13). That would otherwise scar you for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!''

That was a mature-content warning, in case you're not immature enough to understand it.

Stanley remembered the events that preceded his walk through the dark, gloomy streets of Gigglesburg. He could remember them as foggy at best, but that was because they happened in foggy rooms with foggy people doing foggy things. The problem was not with Stan's mind (he liked calling himself Stan. Stan sounded creepy, he thought) nope, it couldn't be.

Not only he was the a fifth degree member of the Sixty-Sixth Order of the Great Dark Lordly Fellow, but he also bore the titles of Pentagram-Drawer Extraordinaire and Most Dark Sacrificer of Dead Critters of All Shapes and Sizes (Although the rituals used to sacrifice dead critters won't be explained here, as they are metaphysical, and probably mildly complex).

Stan knew those were very, very, very important thingies, specially since he was one degree from becoming a full member of his group of like-minded individuals that endeavour in common interests, many times related to mysticism.

The leader of the cult, Harajholva, (an old gypsy with crazy eyes, called "Most Dark Mistress of Night and Whips and Poison and Other Generally Bad Things" reverently by her rank-inferiors) gave him a message relayed from the very fires of HELL ITSELF (that were symbolically represented by her lava-lamp)!

The message was pretty much "You gotta go and kill a guy/gal and then carve a pentagram on his/her forehead (with a sharp pointy object [Author's note: "Kids, don't try this at home"])," but it was conveyed with the same language and tone very peculiar to all the messages revealed to her by the BOWELS OF THE UNDERWORLD (by which I mean the words "ere" and "fro" were used at least four times)

Stanley, of course, hadn't really thought on the human-killing aspect of being a Satanist until now (he was in it for the free cheeseburgers, really)