Scientoligeist - The Spine-chilling Curse of Xenu/Scientoligeist Scenes 7 to 8

Back to Poopergeist Scenes 4 to 6

Scene 7
The family and mediums get up, brush themselves off and survey the damage.

Diane Deja vu

Steve What the hell was that thing??

Ryan C'mon you guys! The camera caught it. Let's have a look!

They all gather around the TV monitors and watch as the Clown Spirit comes down the stairs on the recording. They are amazed and shocked to see a bunch of other spirits behind it. Old Mae gasps.

Steve What is it?

Old Mae That was no clown! It was...it was...

Diane What?? What was it?

Old Mae It was a spirit disguised as a clown!

Steve Har Har.

For some reason, all of the visible spirits are wearing hats. One of them has funny glasses on.

Ryan Oh great, looks like they've got a sense of humor.

Robbie Wow, where're they all coming from?

Old Mae Well I'd say they came from...hey cool! That one's a redneck!

She points at several ghosts who are wearing John Deere caps and carrying cans of beer and whose shirts are exposing their fat, hairy bellies.

Diane Hey! They all came from the back country! I think I can hear Hank Williams Jr playing too!

Ryan Wait! Look to the left! OMIGOSH! Look over to their left!

He points at a small bunch of non-redneck spirits. They all look horribly emaciated and abused.

Old Mae Oh my...those are...victims of Scientology! Wait...one of them's saying something!

Robbie What? I can't hear them.

Old Mae You're not psychic, Robbie. Only psychics can hear them. [closes eyes] It's Lisa McPherson!

Old Mae begins to repeat what the ghosts on the screen are saying.

Ghost of Lisa McPherson I was shut up quite alone in a dirty place with cockroaches crawling all over and people were hardly ever allowed to talk to me so I think I just got worse there and I didn't even get to eat and drink enough. Near the end I was weak and confused, my head was throbbing, I couldn’t breathe properly, my chest felt horrible and so did my stomach, I was vomiting what little I did eat, my muscles kept tightening when I didn’t want them to and that just made me even more confused. Right at the end I was so weak and so confused I couldn’t even stop any number of dirty cockroaches biting me.

The other ghosts, those with funny hats and those without express sympathy.

Second Scientology Victim I died in a similar way to you!

Lisa McPherson embraces the Second Scientology Victim compassionately.

Second Scientology Victim The Scientologists ordered me to stop contacting my family many years before they let me die so nobody ever found out what happened.

There are more expressions of sympathy while some of the Rednecks say they would like to get their guns and shoot the Scientologists who caused the deaths.

Redneck Ghost I'll blow them brains out with mah twelve gauge! She's a real beutty, I got a ten-pointer with it!

Redneck Ghost 2 Nah, that was the neighbor's donkey, 'member? You was just lookin' for an excuse to shoot somethin'.

Redneck Ghost Hell yeah, that was the best shootin' of mah life! That there ass kept us up with his hollerin' all night long!

Redneck Ghost 3 Heyhey, remember the time mah dog lost his leg durin' that hunting trip? We couldn't get no deer so I shot the dog instead! Hoohoo!

Redneck Ghost 2 Yupper! Them were some good times! But I can't ferget that one truck that caught me in the headlights...

Redneck Ghost That were me. It was you?? I thought it were a deer...geez, I must've been stoned out of mah mind. Like I am every night! Then yer ma came after me and got me with the buckshot. Didn't hurt much though...

Redneck Ghost 3 Heh, must've been cause it killed yer! And that was mah wife that came after yew.

Redneck Ghost I know. What's the diff'rence?

Lisa McPherson You guys don't care do you?

Redneck Ghost 2 What was you talkin' about again? I think ah need 'nother Jack Daniels.

Lisa  You're dead, you moron. You can't drink that stuff now.

Redneck Ghost 2 Damn! I fergot. I ferget alotta things after the aliens done suck my mind out.

All say with one Voice  XENU!

Suddenly the spirits are all sucked up into the ceiling. Old Mae opens her eyes

Steve Something doesn't smell right.