2 Geese & a Dead Lady

An english assignment based on a picture of 2 geese and a lady I didn’t want to write about. So I decided to kill the lady and continue on with this little storyUser:Serprex 20:37, 20 March 2007 (UTC)

WhtA and WhtB floated among the flowers with their dark black eyes gazing about. To the side was a crowd of roses which were sort of pale. Around them was an assortment of beautiful flowers, which they levitated amongst. Ahead of them a poorly crafted fence stood, intended to somehow protect a wheat field from alien crop messaging.

WhtA and WhtB weren’t like normal geese, in the way that they had no gender and they had no legs. The fact that they didn’t have any legs didn’t seem to effect the person who fed them though, Soontodiecrazylady Waks. However, today she seemed a little crazier than normal in her long white dress. Instead of bringing lard coated protein tablet feed for them to devour upon, she brought a butcher knife.

Now WhtA and WhtB must have been part cow because they were enraged by such an act and those protein tablets just seemed to have caused them to get a mad geese disease. However, after floating around Soontodiecrazylady and freaking her out some with crazy orange beaked pecks of death, she finally was no longer a threat and they seemed to be cured. So they moved on as she ran off to trip into a gutter and drown with her white dress all ruined for a noon tea party.

Forgetting the whole ordeal, besides the fact that lunch wasn’t coming, WhtA and WhtB decided to try some wheat from the wheat field. However, the poorly crafted fence was in the way and they didn’t feel like floating around it. WhtB floated for a moment before quacking, “I wonder why fences are made of wood and not of ice.”

“Because ice melts,” retorted WhtA, “They have to use something that stays solid.”

“Because ice melts,” retorted WhtB, “They have to use wood. Ever wonder why fences are quadrangular?”

“Because They can only accurately measure 90 degree angles around here, none of the other average angles of other shapes. What I ponder upon is why They don’t just greet the aliens when they come to leave a landing pad, They could even make the aliens pay rent.”WhtA answered with a question following.

“They don’t greet the aliens because They can’t see the invisible saucers and They can’t hear through the sonic subspace sound wave converters.”WhtB responded.

“I wonder what came first, the aliens or Them.”WhtA added to continue the conversation.

“The aliens, because the aliens developed slower than Them while still being ahead in technology, for now. The aliens hope to take advantage of their superior state currently and hope to claim this planet before They have discovered nuclear anti fission giga blasters. The aliens however are prepared to sacrifice this perfect habitat if They pose a threat by tractor beaming this planet into an orbit of collision with its home star. The whole kerfuffle makes me questions if a society can ever attain peaceful habits.”WhtB explained at length.

“Perhaps barbarian impulses are simply within the nature of existence, and so to cease barbarianism we must cease to exist. And so, if to cease barbarianism is to cease existence and to exist is to be real then non barbarians simply are impossible.”WhtA elaborated.

“But if these poorly crafted fences are just meant to stop alien messages, then perhaps we should really ask why they have wasted their efforts and have 2 horizontal boards instead of simply 1.”WhtB questioned with a statement.

“Why of course if they only used one board then lumber trade would slow down. With lumber trade delayed, too many trees would grow and the average health of people would raise. Healthier people are less likely to need imported medicine and hospital care, forcing the demand for doctors to drop. As supply and demand lowers while potential supply raises, awareness lowers. People forget about lumber problems because it would be so cheap that the cost to dispute the matter would not compare to the negligible loss of going with the slow flow. Besides, a bored lumber jack is never good news.”WhtA explained in length.

“Well, this fence hasn’t been installed with thermal laser guards yet, so we might as well just wisp under to see what nice wheat has been growing.”WhtB concluded.

As WhtA and WhtB slid across the flower beds and ducked beneath the fence, they grazed about the fields. The golden wheat was shred about, until a powerful blast was heard. As WhtA and WhtB looked up, they could see Soontodiecrazyguy and his shotgun. He was running towards them, a gibberish trail of words coming from the fool.

“Yeedydaw!!! Ize gots meza lunchy anda supperen ta fill dold pita belliham soup wit da expandin goose whaker bulletsa steeln blood friers. Filla miez fullo da tatter stufn tomater acido to dinery on doze wheat gobblers of prestufed diner meal.”Soontodiecrazyguy yelled.

However, before he could take a shot while muttering more dinner recipes, an alien flew over the fence. It must have noticed that the geese had gone beneath the fence, but either way, it was now above Soontodiecrazyguy. As he shot at it, his whacker bullets of steel and blood fryers were converted to energy. The saucer shot the energy out into space, so to avoid combustion. But the energy beam ended up curving around a black hole, causing the gravity to curve the light into an arc which somehow ended up blasting the ship. As the beam looped around its galactic travels, the energy converter toasters burnt the toast of AlienX, who was so enraged that in a fit of mad alien disease, broke the toaster. The energy returned to the ship and the ship combusted. With a whirling swirl of flames the giant dinner plate crushed Soontodiecrazyguy while setting the field of wheat in flames.

“You know, I wonder if perhaps there is an existence beyond existence, in which such matters as trivial as these are of different form.”WhtA speculated as its feathers burnt into a dark black.

“No, existence is of boolean value. It is either true or false, there is nothing beyond such states.”WhtB answered as the flames over cooked its body to a medium rare state.

“Then what if now is truly inexistence, and so existence is after now.”WhtA continued.

“Impossible, you are giving inexistence parameters such as time. It simply can’t be.”WhtB explained as its blood expanded to the point of breaking out of the veins and tainting its liver.