Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Spoof

Darkness.

Fade into title.

The camera flies over a snowy mountain range. On the top of a mountain, a CGI knight is fighting a CGI yeti. Over the knight’s head is the text “Wowmaster .” The camera flies over top of them.

Voice of Gandalf: IF YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA PASS, THEN YOU’RE SADLY FREAKIN’ MISTAKEN!!

Voice of Frodo: GANDALF!

Voice of Gandalf: I am Agent 008 of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor!

(pause)

Voice of Gandalf: Go back to the Shadow. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn!

The camera zooms through a crevice in a mountain. Inside, Gandalf is facing the Balrog.

Gandalf: You shall not freakin’ pass!

The Balrog takes out its whip. Gandalf slams his staff down on the bridge. There is a flash of light. The bridge breaks in half and the Balrog falls into the chasm. Gandalf pants and turns around. The Balrog’s whip flies around and grabs Gandalf by the leg. Gandalf is pulled down. He hangs onto the ledge.

Frodo: GANDALF!

Gandalf: Fly, you totally ridiculous fools!

Gandalf falls into the chasm.

Frodo: GAAAANDAAAALF!

The camera zooms down into the chasm after Gandalf. Gandalf grabs his sword out of the air and grabs onto the Balrog’s horn. He stabs the Balrog in the chest.

Gandalf: HAHAAA!! PWNAGE! I’ve played enough World of Warcraft to know how to take on giant flaming demons!

Gandalf stabs the Balrog some more. It grabs Gandalf and shrieks at him. The Balrog hits a stone ledge and shakes violently. Gandalf falls off, but gets back on the Balrog.

Gandalf (looking down): Oh. Crap. Like, REALLY crap.

The Balrog and Gandalf fall into a gigantic cave full of water. They hit the water.

Cut quickly to Frodo waking up.

Frodo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! GANDALF!!!

Sam wakes up.

Sam: What is it, Mr. Frodo? Did the spider come back?

Frodo (panting): No... I smashed that spider...

(pause)

Frodo: It was nothing... just a dream.