Talk:The Heir

Characters
(more characters to come; don't hesitate to add characters)
 * Ezra: seventeen-year-old who was adopted by Jonas. He is the heir to the throne of Armesia, the son of King Eliaz, who was murdered twenty years ago by the fiendish Nardek.
 * Jonas: former palace guard who adopted rescued Ezra from Nardek's hand. He travelled to the mountains of Brama, where he adopted a humble life as a serf in the village of Cirta under the lord Ceeziak in order to save Ezra from discovery by Nardek.
 * Nardek: Evil king who was the adopted son of Eliaz. He was overcome with greed and lust and murdered Eliaz and his all of his sons (except for Ezra, of course) and took the throne of Armesia in the capital of Carouk.
 * Kyle: old friend of Eliaz and Jonas, and one of the leaders of a scattered rebellious group known as the Eastern Resistance. He finds out where Ezra is, and rides with a group of traders and travels to Cirta.

History leading up to the events of the story
Many millenia ago, the world, Gaela, was created by a supreme, omnipotent diety known as "The Creator" or "The Great One". He created Elves, Men, Dwarves, amongst other creatures, and his mighty servants, the Ahuran. The most powerful of these was overcome with greed and passion and desired to rule Gaela. But he failed in his attempts, and was cast down and forever barred from the Realms of Light. He had corrupted lesser Ahuran, and these became his servants, Phantoms. He corrupted the minds of many of the beings of earth, too, and these became filthy, horrible creatures known as goblins. He tried many times to take Gaela from his brethren, but they defeated him again and again. Finally, he had to flee to the East, to a dark land known as Netopyrus, and there he set up his foul, dark fortress.

History of Armesia
Hundreds of years ago, the land that would become the Armesian Empire was wild and filled with violence. Clans warred against each other and an evil being known as Zamroth, tried to take control of it. However, Zamroth's enemies, the great beings known as Ahuran (or Shining Ones), sent a man named Elgira to drive out the legions of goblins that were invading the country. Then he took control and, under the authority of the Ahuran, united the land under one banner.

Elgira was king of the new Armesian Empire for many years, and his descendants after him also. But, when Eliaz became king, Zamroth again attempted to take the land. His goblins killed the inhabitants of a small outpost, but spared a small child, Nardek. The goblins, under Zamroth's control, took the boy to the capital in Carouk and he was adopted by Eliaz. When Nardek grew into a young man, he began to desire the kingdom of Armesia for his own, and requested his father Eliaz to give it to him. But Eliaz firmly told him that his eldest son was to be king, and that he would be a lesser ruler. Filled with rage and jealousy, Nardek killed Eliaz and his sons and took power. Zamroth sent him legions of goblins to enforce his rule, and he has ruled the country ever since. Through him, Zamroth hopes to take control of all of Gaela, the world.

Jonas, one of the palace guards, saved one of Eliaz's sons, Ezra, and fled with him to Cirta. There he adopted the humble life of a fisherman, but he managed to contact the newly formed Eastern Resistance every now and then. One of the leaders, Kyle (who was one of the angelic Ahuran), finally made his way to the city via a group of traders. There, he found Ezra, and told him about Armesia's history.

A Description of Gaela and the Surrounding Realms
Gaela, the earth, is flat and is situated at the center of the Universe. The sun and moon circle round it once every twenty-four hours, although sometimes certain powerful spells can alter their course briefly. The stars are dotted here and there throughout the Space. Surrounding the Universe are the Realms of Light, in which dwells the Creator and the souls of men who have died on the side of the Light. There is one known Way between Heaven and Earth, situated in the far West at the edge of the Great Sea. If one crosses the Great Sea, there is a landmass there which consists mainly of a range of mountains. Beyong these is the place where the sun sets, and beyond that is the Way, a portal between the Realms of Light and Gaela. Only the Ahuran and the souls of deceased mortals can travel there. It is closed off to the living.

In a foul, dark void region of the Universe is the Abyss, a horrible place where Zamroth is to be sealed off with his followers forever. Not much is known about it, except that it contains a perpetual fire which cannot be quenched. It burns thousands of times hotter than any fire on Earth.

Creatures and Bestiary
(more to come; don't hesitate to add)
 * The Ahuran: servants of the Great One. They are beautiful and far more powerful than any mortals. When Zamroth abandoned his position, he lost a great deal of his power and his beauty was destroyed.
 * Phantoms: Dark, powerful beings that roam throughout Gaela. They usually take the appearance of tall, cloaked figures, but they can take many other forms, such as Werewolves. The most powerful Phantoms are corrupted Ahuran, although some are the souls of the deceased who are bound to the earth with Zamroth. There is no known way to kill them; they will eventually be banished forever from the earth with their master. Anyone who practices any kind of sorcery or black magic immediately falls under Zamroth's power. Then their bodies begin to rapidly deteriorate until nothing but their souls are left. They can take on new bodies, but these are twisted and deformed, a crude excuse for a replication of their original forms, and these act as mere shells for the darkness that now composes them.
 * Men: Mortals. The Great One created them from the earth, and so they love the earth. They grow plants and till the soil and raise animals.
 * Elves: Immortal created beings. They were created from wood and leaf, and so they love the forests and dwell there primarily.
 * Dwarves: Mortals along with Men. They were created from stone, and so they love mountains and rocks and they mine deep for gold, silver and precious stones. They are often driven to greed.
 * Goblins: Foul, corrupted Men, Elves, Dwarves and other creatures. Most are black and have a terrible stench about them. Their eyes are yellow or red and their faces are hideous and deformed. They are considerably stronger than the non-corrupted, although they are of little intelligence and weak minds.
 * Werewolves: Horrible beasts that resemble a cross between a man and a wolf. The first were corrupted Ahuran, but were slain during the great battles with the servants of the Creator. They pass on their condition through bites.
 * Werecats: Same as above, except that they resemble felines and are servants of Light. Some of the Ahuran took these great, noble forms and fought the Werewolves in them. They are immortal, but do not pass on their forms to mortals.

On Integration

 * 1) change Certa from a prosperous city in the north to a) a cottage in the north or b) one of the other cities on the map at Image:Comp1.jpg.
 * 2) Vayrian can have the Great One as an epithet
 * 3) A similar story in the Neverending Wiki framework has Drake be the traitor to Vayrian, and steal some of Vayrian's servants the Dragons.
 * 4) Your entry on the world match closely with that of the Midworld.
 * 5) You can modify our entries in the Neverending Wiki to reflect what you've already got.

--YZHchat/2000+ edits 19:38, 28 December 2006 (UTC)

You could easilly use The Neverending Wiki as inspiration, but state at the beginning that it does not conform in every way. In fact, you could decide to just make The Heir a Legend.Serprex 20:54, 28 December 2006 (UTC)

As for fitting The Heir into the legends/history, note that we have a lot of blanks for the Horador kings (see N/History/Rulers and N/History) so you could just pick up on one of those kings for the king you have in your story. The other stuff may take a bit of imagination, but it's possible. If you want me to work on the integration, just tell me, here or at my talk page. --YZHchat/2000+ edits 21:34, 28 December 2006 (UTC)

I think for The Heir I'll just make it a legend. Perhaps I'll just start a new universe, as well as adding to the N. In my story here, the Creator is male, whereas Varyian is female, later changed to male. He doesn't have an equal; Zamroth is simply acting out his will. Of course I have goblins, undead and those sorts of things, but that doesn't have to equal the ones in the N, otherwise it would require an integration.

Rating
I'm giving it a 3/5 for now because it seems rather rambling. Hopefully I'll be able to give it a higher rating very soon, once you've patched your work up a bit. There's definitely some room for improvement. --YZHchat/2000+ edits 20:29, 31 December 2006 (UTC)


 * Don't worry, as you can see it's been "patched up". I see you've changed the rating. Just to let you know, I've given the Mage Compilation a rating of 4/5. It's coming along really well. Ylfowvitfb 15:59, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the rating! --YZHchat/2000+ edits 16:45, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

You bet. Thanks for your ratings! Ylfowvitfb 03:56, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

On Chapter Two
I'm working on Chapter Three now, but that doesn't mean Chapter Two is done. Since I don't know all the backstory, you'll probably have to provide it in Chapter Two. Nothing elaborate: just the main points. I'll probably "take the chapter apart" by shifting all the plot elements, with plenty of detail added, throughout the story, so that it doesn't sound like a narrative, but we need to get the basic background down first. --YZHchat/2000+ edits 19:14, 2 January 2007 (UTC)


 * I've provided a rather detailed backstory at the top of this discussion page, but I'll continue the second chapter. About Chapter 3: I don't seem to recall Jonas accompanying them; he was on his way to the village to sell their pigs. If you'd rather have him going with them, you'll have to change the story so that he accompanied them on their hunting trip, but there was work to be done on the farm so that he would have to stay home and take care of it. Ylfowvitfb 20:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)


 * I've made chapter two the prologue, so it's more like a premise for the story. How's that? Ylfowvitfb 03:53, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

Spellcasters being corrupted?
Wow, we seem to advocate a black and white policy toward things... Spellcasters must be bad, Lamoth must be evil... Why? Can't spellcasters cast magic in a utopian environment, like that presented in Mage? In that story which I'm working on, spellcasters have great responsibility that comes with their knowledge, but they aren't defiled by their art--your view of the matter seems too much like a Christian thing (like witch-hunts). Meanwhile, Lamoth is a cosmic deity, which means that he stands for a personified aspect of reality--in this case, corruption and destruction. One could potentially imagine instances in which corruption and destruction is actually a good thing, or otherwise something that must exist in order for its opposite to exist as well (no white without black). --YZHchat/2000+ edits 22:13, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

I wish you wouldn't place Christianity in a negative light. But don't worry, I haven't removed "magic" from the story. As a matter of fact, the powers that the Ahuran and the servants of Light wield are far more powerful than those wielded by magicians and sorcerers. This is how it goes; when a person lets go of his greed for things of the physical world and focuses on the purity of the Creator and his Light, the Power of Light flows through him and doubles his potential against Zamroth. Then he/she is not limited by spells or potions or whatever, but can simply channel this power with their will. This power is many times more powerful than what spellcasters in this story can conjure. Of course, this doesn't make it a picnic to defeat a Phantom as Phantoms are extremely powerful, but without it, a person is powerless against a Phantom. Don't worry, I'm not trying to tell you to remove magic or anything like that from your story. As far as I'm concerned, you can have as much of it as you want in Mage. But in this story, it's evil. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to be rude, mind you. Ylfowvitfb 03:51, 3 January 2007 (UTC)
 * I don't wish to get into a debate about whether or not sorcery is right or wrong here; this is just for its place in our stories. Just to clarify! Ylfowvitfb 03:57, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

In the cases in which Lamoth's destruction is needed, it would be welcomed by the gods of balance. However, in most cases, it is best to create new things then to destroy, even if balance is always needed.Serprex 04:16, 3 January 2007 (UTC)