The Aliens of the Flaming Red Sun/2 The First Human Spaceship hasn’t yet arrived on Porrila

The First Human Spaceship hasn’t yet arrived on Porrila
''This further translation is again the work of "Peter Bliggs", this time assisted by Centaurians “Green Tentacles the 2nd” and “Yellow Eyespots the 23rd”. It was released into the Public and Alien Domain as before. Wikipedia Wikia Fiction has reproduced the text in full. Those disagree with the decision are appealing to Jumbo Whales, the great great great grandson of Jimbo Whales.“

The text again
Long and hard the Centaurian scientists worked to discover and evaluate data on the new planet and the incredible beings that lived there. They found a planet with many pleasant places where there were cool plants and cool animals. And they even found quite a bit of mud at river deltas and other places. But they just couldn’t understand the dominant species on the planet. The dominant species kept doing uncool things like pouring carbon dioxide into the planet’s atmosphere. Now carbon dioxide warmed the planet up so those cool green places and the mud could become sad, lifeless deserts. And the dominant species kept pouring pollutants into streams, rivers, lakes and oceans so those streams, rivers, lakes and oceans and muddy places became bad places and gave off horrible smells and life there died. And the Terrans did silly things like draining swamps and muddy places. That was totally incomprehensible. And the Centaurians had such compassion for the unfortunate planet Earth and its people.

The Centaurians decided to contact the Terrans. Perhaps they hoped, if the Terrans had cool friends from Outer Space they would stop being so suicidal. Now Proxima Centauri is just over 4 light years away from Earth. That means that waiting for replies took awfully long. After many decades the Terrans and the Centaurians developed a common language that worked most of the time. Then the Centaurians and the Terrans hoped to become friends and thought a visit would be cool. How could they get together? It’s just no good saying, “You just catch the 28 bus away from the City Centre and get off at the crossroads after the railway bridge” when your cool friend is just over 4 light years away.

Building starships
The Terrans and the Centaurians tried to pool information about building starships. The Terrans said, “We’re thinking of scooping up tiny little hydrogen atoms from interstellar space and using them to fuel a starship engine. Then for 4 years the Terrans worried. “What will happen when the Centaurians get the message? We know they're very hierarchical. Will our alien friends think scooping up hydrogen atoms is silly? Then for another 4 years the Terrans worried. “Did our alien friends think scooping up hydrogen atoms is silly? Are they looking down on us?”  Then the time came when the Terrans expected the Centaurian reply. A call sign came showing the reply was imminent. Papers put the front page on hold. News websites prepared for the historic reply. Then the reply came. “We don’t understand you. What’s a scoop? What’s an engine?”

The Terrans were so sad that their alien friends couldn’t understand them. And the Terrans were a bit impatient. They had a different idea for a starship engine as well and they didn’t want to wait decades and decades till the Centaurians understood them. The best scientists and linguists set about explaining what beamed propulsion means. Then the Terrans sent a message, “We’re also thinking of sending out a beam of laser light or charged particles. We’ll fit an ever so lightweight sail onto the starship to catch the little photons of light or the charged particles. Our best scientists think that might work splendidly. The starship wouldn’t need to carry fuel so it would be much lighter and better. Which do you think is the better idea? Should we work on the Bussard ramjet or the beamed propulsion? Please tell us, wonderful alien friends. Which of the two do you think is more cool?”

Peter Bliggs noted the tentacles of the Centaurian on the computer screen flashed scarlet. The Centaurian looked young, near his own age. Did the Centaurian like the Terran suggestions? Peter could never quite understand Centaurian expressions. Hopefully he clicked the computer for an analysis. No. That shade of scarlet meant derision. Then Peter set about typing the translation. Here it is. “What’s the matter with you Earthlings? You think you should develop Ramjets OR Beam propulsion. Can’t you see what’s obvious? Use both together in the same craft.” Momentarily Peter put his hand in front of his face. He turned to his assistant and spoke. “They despise us. They don’t even send some alien in authority. Will we ever get their respect?”


 * (To be continued)