Talk:Ahriman's revenge/2

Greetings Davichito,

The central part about Ahura's experience in the virtual world went by way too quickly (if you're doing a standard writing). Since it's a "novel" experience for the protagonist, you should introduce things more carefully, such as how his surroundings appear, how he manages to interact with his surroundings, and what he expected the AI to be capable of. Also, the characterization and in-depth development of the character(s) is(are) lacking. How does Ahura feel about the situation he is in? Does he believe that all this is for real? Does his mind play psychological tricks on him and try to convince him that all this is (im)possible?

Additionally, there are a few grammatical errors, such as missing "of"'s, which you should be able to catch if you proofread your work.

Cheers, 03:41, 7 April 2008 (UTC)