Robin Hood Reforms

Robin Hood sighed. His Merry Men were getting to him again. Why on earth did they have to always bother him? Just yesterday Bob had came to him with the most ridiculous complaint. He complained that whenever he lay in the hammock the sun was in his eyes. When Robin Hood pointed out that they were in the middle of Sherwood Forest and Bob could easily move the hammock between two other trees to reorient it or indeed could just lie the other way, Bob muttered something about Robin not understanding and stormed off.

Robin was walking alone through the forest now. Those people wouldn't bother him here. He needed to plan tonight's work without anyone to interrupt him. His band would sneak out of the forest and into the town of Nottingham. Prince Hoola had just received a shipment of potato chips. More than likely he'd cheated somehow in the deal. Robin and the Merry Men would steal the chips and distribute them to the poor people. There was another important thing. Marian was being held captive. They would have to rescue her, too.

Robin walked along, enjoying the woods. There were many birds flying between the trees. Actually, most of the birds were flying between the trees, but one blue jay hit a tree and fell to the ground. Robin frowned at it. He didn't care for the bird, but the thump that the bird made when it hit the tree disturbed his planning. Behind him, he heard another thump. He turned and saw that another bird had run into a tree. And then another thump reached Robin's ears. And another. And yet another. The thumps grew more frequent, until Robin's ears were overwhelmed with the sound. His eyes were also overwhelmed, as everywhere he looked birds of various kinds were flying past him so fast that he couldn't even make out the color. No wonder they couldn't avoid the trees. Robin Hood hoped some of the birds were robins. It was a somewhat silly thought, but Robin was always thinking things like that.

More animals joined the frenzy. Mostly, Robin knew they were there because he could smell them or because they ran into him (as some of the birds were now doing). The animals seemed mainly rabbits and antelope. Robin Hood forgot his schemes and wildly tried to think what could cause all these animals to behave like this. They must be running from something. But what? Then Robin detected a new smell among the others. Now he knew. There was only one being in the world who could make the animals flee so, who could smell so hideous... the Sheriff of Nottingham!

Robin Hood tried to escape, but the chaos effectively blinded and deafened him. The Sheriff approached.

"Well, well, Robin Hood," said the Sheriff, "I've caught you at last. And none of your henchmen are here."

"What!" yelled Robin.

"I said I caught you!" yelled the Sheriff.

"Louder!" yelled Robin.

The Sheriff screamed as loud as he could, "I caught you alone away from your men!"

"Oh." Robin Hood looked startled, but regained his composure.

"Don't move, Sheriff!" yelled Robin Hood, thinking quickly. "You've walked into my trap! My men all have their bows aimed straight at you!"

By now the animals were all but gone.

"Even if they were," said the Sheriff, "they'd only hit all the animals around us. Now come along. You're under arrest for theft, more theft, and, to top it off, theft." The Sheriff took out a small piece of paper and squinted at it. "This also accuses you of using a bow and arrow when your license has expired and also of 'destroying valuable dinosaur eggs'. I don't know what that last bit is about."

"Can't we reach some agreement?" said Robin. It sounded like a whine.

"No. You're coming with me to spend life in the dungeon!" The Sheriff smiled.

"No, please!" begged Robin.

"Well," said the Sheriff, "perhaps if you agree not to be an outlaw anymore, I'll let you all go free."

"No way!" yelled Robin. "I must counter this injustice. I steal from the rich and give to the poor!"

"But is that a good philosophy?" asked the Sheriff.

"What do you mean?" replied Robin.

"It seems to me," said the Sheriff, "that you want everyone to have equal wealth. But what would be the point of that? If you ask me, this is just communism in disguise. And everybody knows how evil communism is."

Robin Hood thought about this a moment. Suddenly he grinned. "Hey, you might be right!"

The Sheriff had not expected this response. "You just made a wise decision," he said, to buy time. "I can see you're well on the way to becoming a decent, law-abiding citizen." Not thinking of anything else to say, he walked off. In the distance loud thumping noises ensued.

"The only thing I don't like about this," muttered Robin Hood, "is that I spent so long on those plans."