Mothers Group

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Mothers Group Synopsis: Comic sketch about the trials and tribulations of a group of women, united only by their family status. three female leads, three male with possible doubling.

Suggested music Mother by Scomber

Characters:

Tranda – Pale, horsey, plummy and very rich (childbearing age)

Carita- Intelligent, plain, solid and well presented (childbearing age)

Uma- Slender, Bronze, Blonde, Good looking, the youngest (childbearing age)

Cynthia - Caritas mother

Buffin - a teenage male + doubles as supermarket drongo

Prologue / Meta
Passing 4000 words I decided to devote some space to a meta to help me organize my thoughts.

Originally I had in mind to write a one act play for which the existing is almost complete, however the play has elements which lend themselves to expansion into a full length play of up to 30,000 words.

Comedy with a little music sells tickets in amateur theatres and this is indispensible to me.

The originalconcept was to split one female personality into three. Then I planned to explore the experience of mothering in which the three show different aspects of the same situation. So the characters are smart, rich and good looking in order to provide the tension which drives the action. Need to cast about 12 - 15 people of whom two thirds are women. stage opportunities drive amateur theatres and actors staff the troupes other requirmements.

The story is inspired by 'Beaches', 'bridesmaids' and other works from the 'chick' genre. Missing are elements of jealousy, intrigue, tension and romantic interest - more tickets sell if the play has a happy ending like a re-union or wedding. need to explain order of pregnancy and the boyfriend situation - carita falls early despite being the smart one - she can finish her education as the show finishes. Tranda is second and follows a narrow path including marriage while Uma avoids it and reluctantly falls last. Uma must be seen with a romantic interest and I think possibly the same fellow as carita so carita can fall out with Uma initially and then forgive her as he dumps Uma or perhaps the parentage is uncertain- carita must stay quiet about fatherhood until sure. This is a noughties play and so the girl least likely will end up with another woman - Uma. The surprise happy ending is a commitment with Uma and an unknown female so that her boyfriend is free and carita can decide to stay unmarried - the noughties choice. Tranda needs to dream up some trouble and I think there should be a skeleton in her closet - so she takes up with a muslim to rebel, only to later discover that he is fantastically wealthy, but not before the family has ruined any chance of being close to him

Transcribe opening scene from Fading Things about Cynthia passing the age of motherhood - Caritas mother must be called cynthia and the cast is expanding nicely.

Scene One - Careers
Carita and Uma stand at a bus stop in school uniform with school bags nearby. Carita has an over-stuffed practical bag of books while Uma's is a nearly empty matching luggage type of portmanteau. In this scene Carita confesses to her friends that she is pregnant.

Carita: I wonder when the bus will come ?

Uma: It has never been this late before.

Carita: I feel like a cigarette.

Uma: (Mocking) Funny! You don't look like a cigarette. You don't smoke.

Carita: I wonder why people always smoke after romance, I wonder if that's anything like smoking after school.

Uma: Ha ha! a kind of punishment you mean? Perhaps it balances all the goodness of school.

Carita: No, I don't ...smoke. Are you applying to university?

Uma: Nope,

Carita: Are you thinking vocational training?

Uma: Mum has got me a job at the supermarket.

Carita: Really, I heard Tranda got a job there too.

Uma: Really? Awesome ! Fantastic! We can be the check-out champions.

Carita: Hmmm, the retarded retailers more like.

Uma: My Mum works there, we could get you a job.

Carita: No thanks. I'm holding outf for something more important.

Uma: Night fill pays well...(changing her tone) Liar! What are you planning? Do tell, University? Job?

Carita: I am just looking at options for the moment.

Enter Tranda also in school uniform

Carita: Hey Tranda, do you remember Uma from english?

Tranda: Ah yes, the pretty girl! Hello Carita. Hello Uma,

Uma: Hello

Tranda: Pleasure to meet you, is the bus runing late again?

Carita: We were just talking about Careers, what are you planning on doing after school?

Tranda: Maybe go to the beach.

Carita and Uma (together) Ha Ha

Carita: We mean when shool is finished forever, you know, for a career and that.

Tranda: Dad wants me to work in his office, but I couldn't stand working for my old man. I have just been offered a position as it happens.

Uma: A comfortable position, I hope.

Carita: Check out? At the supermarket? Are you going to take it?

Tranda: Mum and Dad are going overseas next year, I want some spending money.

Carita: (in disbelief) Crikey! You're both just going for short term cash?

Uma: A friend of mine gets a discount on all her weekly necessities.

Tranda: A discount? Really? For check out work? what neccessities?

Uma: You know, like grocery stuff. I dunno. shampoo, conditioner, cleanser, toner.

Tranda: Moisturizer.

Carita: (thoughtful) Condoms

Tranda and Uma: (shreiking in unison) Ewwwww... (tranda and Uma look at silent Carita)

Uma: What are you saying?

Carita: (sheepishly) ...actually...

Tranda: Leave her alone, Uma! (realizing carita has spoken) Carita? What are you saying?

Carita: Actually...(long pause)...I'm late

Tranda: Why the pregnant pause...(realizing)...Oh spit !

Uma: (condescending tone) Well, Of course you're late, the bus hasn't come yet.

(During scene change all three young women together sing "A day late and a dollar short" by Steven Bryant with music from http://ccmixter.org/files/stevieb357/31539)

Lights out and Curtain

Scene Two - Fessing up
(interior day Carita family household kitchen, Mother is at the stove holding a saucepan)

Carita (enter and cross as though slinking past to her bedroom on the far side)

Mother: Tough day?

Carita: Pardon?

Mother: Hey listen Carita, just hold this saucepan for a moment while I tip this into it (pouring something from another saucepan) ...thanks! Now, my cherry-pie if you want to avoid a little heart-to-heart you may go.

Carita (Makes as though to leave)

Mother: Not so fast

Carita: Mum!

Mother: You might want to act like a teenage princess of the universe, but I'm making your favourite dish tonight. I would like to talk to you. Indulging the whim of an old lady, especially your mum is the least you can do...

Carita: especially where gnocchi is involved...(considering)...do we have those capers?

Mother: Australian semi-dried capers ?

Carita: OK, I give in. I will make the tea. What are we going to talk about? About Dad reversing over my in-line skates? About whether or not the little old lady next door actually chops up children who stray onto her property, or does she put them in a freezer and just nibble on them...

Mother: (interrupting) Carita!

Carita: It's true! All the kids at school are scared of her! She's a witch. I can hear her talking to the bodies.

Mother: Are you having sex?

Carita: (shocked) I am not sure what I was expecting, but not this. I just finished a school day, Mum. Can I go take a shower now?

Mother:(waits for her to finish) I'm serious. I was reading...

Carita: I can't believe this, first my mother is taking advice from a glossy magazine and now she is dispensing pearls of glossy wisdom to me a s well.

Mother: It was your copy actually. I did the personality quiz and you didn't score very well. We need to talk.

Carita: It's going to be one of those talks, I had better get comfortable. Here is your tea (sits. taking out teabags or pouring from pot).

Mother: I noticed your jeans.

Carita: The jeans I cut off? They had a hole in them.

Mother: You made a hole in them. You made a hole under the right cheek so your knickers were on display. You cut them off so short that the pockets hang out lower than the hem, or where the hem should be if you had taken them up properly. The magazine says it is a sign of sexual assertiveness.

Carita: All the girls are doing it.

Mother: Doing what? (labouring stare)

Carita: Cutting their jeans.

Mother: OK. I can accept that, but I found your t-shirt from sports with a rumple at the front, so I know you have been tying a knot in the front. Showing off your belly.

Carita: (patting her stomach) I have something to tell you.

Mother: It's not just the clothing, I mean you spend more time on the phone than a third world country. Are you trying to tell me that no boys are involved at all in these conversations? What about Buffin from up the road?

Carita: What about him?

Mother: Well what is there  not  to like, he has got a six pack you could break bricks on. I saw him the other day in wet denim jeans, like a little boy, when he bends over...

Carita: Mum! Is this what you wanted to talk about? I've got something important to tell you.

Mother: Anyway, I expect it can't be too long before the boys start putting the hard word on you, so I just decided to take the bull by the horns (long pause) and buy you some equipment.

Carita: Equipment?

Mother: Gear! Chattels! Here you go. (producing condoms) You need not be embarrassed. It isn't  about  sex, it's about health. If they aren't on, it isn't on. The magazine said to leave them out like after-dinner-mints and let you young folk to explore them at your own pace. Do you want to try one on a vegetable?

Carita: I'm pregnant.

Mother: No chance, one of these jelly-snakes will take care of all that...

Carita: I wanted to tell you ...

Mother: pregnant?

Carita: ...to tell you sooner

Mother: Sooner? (sits, skulls the tea) How pregnant are we talking here?

Carita: Fourteen weeks

Mother: F O U R T E E N ? How did you manage to keep it a secret that long?

Carita and Mother (together): Barf bags.

Mother: Who is the father? (Looks at Carita and realizes the indelicacy of the question)

Carita: Oh Mum! (dissolves into tears, embrace)

(Curtain lights out )

Scene three - the job interview
SUPERMART OWNER. O.K you think you can handle this on your own?

MANAGER. Where are you going? I thought you were going to interview them?

OWNER. (thinks about it) ...Nah! Do you think you can remeber all that stuff about equal opportunity employment?

MANAGER. Yes boss.

OWNER. So you know the sort of thing I am looking for.

MANAGER. I think so (meekly) - a bright personality...

OWNER. Well here is a uniform (produces a check-out uniform on a hanger with a tiny waist and massive bust)

MANAGER. But....

OWNER. You can't mention it, but you can leave it hanging here during the interview.

MANAGER. The pretty ones?....(looks at OWNER - no reaction) sorry...You're looking for girls with a bright future?

OWNER. Exactly.

MANAGER. How can you tell, the light is not very bright in here.

OWNER. Oh, that's deliberate. See that tape on the carpet there? Ask them to stand there with their toes against the line. The light bulb is directly overhead. Don't hire anyone unless the shadow of their future falls over the toe of their shoes. Do I make myself quite clear? I mean...you can't look at their future directly, you know, it just isn't done. clear and fair employment process and so on, but you can take a good look at the shadow over their shoes. Have you got that, or will I have to deny it later?

MANAGER. Right boss. anything else? shall I ask them a mathematics question?

OWNER. mathematics - like accounting with a raincoat on. what on earth for?

MANAGER. Well....Let's say the customer buys a tin of asparagus for three dollars, I could ask them what is the change from ten bucks.

OWNER. What for?

MANAGER. To see if they can add up the small change in their head.

OWNER. What I'm asking is, what would the customer want asparagus for? Disgusting greenery! Chips are the only true vegetable product.

MANAGER. We could ask them about a tin of something else.

OWNER. Chips don't come in a tin.

MANAGER. What about frozen chips. We could ask them a question about small change from a packet of frozen chips!

OWNER. The till is always correct. If more of us remembered that, the balance might be even at the end of the day for a change, instead of fifty bucks short. No. Don't encourage them to think. (pause) Smile. You could ask them to pass the smile test.

MANGER. What test?

OWNER. (brusquely expalanatory, motioning sign language with both hands) If their smile causes a change in the differential angle of the lip more acute than the hypotenuse of the difference between their elbow and the collar bone or the radius of their head as a function of pye to the third power, they're in. (slows) I don't like smiles myself, people barring their teeth at me all day, but the customers go for that sort of thing. Well, I'll be off then, I'll be doing nine holes if you need me.

MANAGER. O.K. I hope your team wins then, (aside) I'm really bad at snooker, (out door) best of luck!

(Exit OWNER, MANAGER takes a large file and reads aloud title of each paper in the stack)

MANAGER. Equal opportunity guidelines, commercial sector standards, chamber of commerce code of ethics, reputation risk reports, community engagement project, company mission statement, employment and the law. closes folder and places in a drawer, takes out glossy magazine. Sits and reads.

(CARITA, TRANDA and UMA enter and gather upstage from where MANAGER sits reading)

TRANDA. There is no way I am buying that uniform. (indicates uniform still hanging where OWNER left it)

UMA. I am not sure I can fit into it. Won't they give us one? (rises and goes to the door)

CARITA. It was made for a stick insect. I am sure you will manage. I changed my mind, I'm going to the gym (makes to leave and UMA and TRANDA grab her and guide her back to upstage centre)

MANAGER. Hello there! Which one of you girls wants the first interview?

UMA, CARITA and TRANDA (all together) Her.

CARITA. Me, I suppose.

(all three women remain upstage centre facing forward and the MANAGER interviews their back. What follows is an abstract impression of a job interview rather than a linear script. It should be delivered at a rapid tempo with lines interrupting each other without any breaks)

MANAGER. Who sent you?

TRANDA. Aunty Myrna.

MANAGER. You're hired.

CARITA. Do I have to answer that?

MANAGER. Where do you see yourself in five years time?

TRANDA. You're not asking the questions.

UMA. Can I ask a question.

MANAGER. Certainly, sweetie.

CARITA. I can ask anything I like.

TRANDA. Do you have any programs to develop staff ?

UMA. Can I have the same shifts as my friends?

MANAGER. What would you do if a customer wanted to complain?

TRANDA. I will be seventeen next birthday.

UMA. What are the benefits of working here?

TRANDA. I have previous work experience, washing mummies volvo. I give it a good scrub (motions)

MANAGER. Annual leave, Long service leave, sick leave, Maternity leave, why not just just leave right now ... leave the door ajar, O.K.

UMA. My uncle worked here as the token disabled.

TRANDA. How much will I get paid?

MANAGER. There is a token system.

UMA. I like scanning. I scanned my library book. I set an alarm off.

CARITA. I'm pregnant.

MANAGER. Set an alarm off?

UMA. I have lived here all my life and always come shopping here, except on wednesdays.

TRANDA. Pot roast on wednesday.

UMA. Netball wednesday.

CARITA. visit my cousin Morris the Mutilator, at the prison, on wednesdays.

MANAGER. We are looking for somebody to work wednesdays. What brings you to town?

TRANDA. What are we doing here?

UMA. I haven't had any sick leave at all.

CARITA. I wasn't going to bring this up.

TRANDA. I used to ring up prices on the cash register there.

MANAGER. When can you start?

scene seven -the maternity ward
(Interior night maternity ward)

Midwife. Hey, Honey.

scene eight-the swimming lesson
The Swimming Lesson - interior, day, municipal pool

Very empty set – perhaps a garden background from another play.

Lights up with Tranda and Carita on stage. Both are wearing a swimming costume. Flippers and goggles are ideal and add to the humour. Depending on the modesty of the cast – board shorts and halter-neck or even neck-to-knee frilly britches, as long as it looks entirely aquatic. Both carry a plastic baby doll, also wearing something that suggests a swimming lesson, a pair of plastic pilcher pants at the least. There is no water in sight – the idea is to suggest they are standing in waist deep water by their actions. Both are in the pool, waiting for the lesson to start. Rippling blue lighting to suggest aquatic centre interior.

Carita: (looking closely at Tranda's 'baby') It was a difficult birth, wasn't it.

Tranda: How do you mean?

Carita: The kid looks a bit ...squashed.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Speak for yourself!...Eight hours, from nought to nappies. This little one was quicker than yours!

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Too quick perhaps. I mean, fast births sometimes don't give them time to swivel as they come though.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: (alarmed) Don't talk like that! Swivel? You're giving me a camel burn just thinking about it. (pause) Hey listen, who are we going to get, do you reckon?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Get who? Uma said she would be late.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: (jealous) Give you a ring, did she? (quickly changing subject) no, I meant the teacher. Who do you think we will get this time? My neighbour said the teachers here are pretty useless. I mean, I learned how to swim here and I can barely stay afloat.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">enter Uma - also wearing togs and carrying a 'baby'

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Hello you two.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita and Tranda: (together) Hi there!

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: You wll never believe what just happened.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: When you ope a sentence like that, I have a feeling the outcome is not good.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Sounds like a long story. Hopefuly our teacher will be here soon, so you had better tell us, What happened?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Well, that;s two things I need to tell you then?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita and Tranda together); Uh huh?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Well where do I start. firstly, I guess I had better tell you that my baby sitter fell through at the last minute.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Your niece?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Well not actually fell through, so much as failed to keep an appointment I had yet to make.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Uma, you are not making any sense, you are SUPPOSED to be here with your baby, why on earth would you need a baby sitter?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: (evasive) Ah ! Well ! That brings me to the point. I am sure you will both like this part, but somehow I am not sure. The next thing you should know is that I am going to be your swim instructor today.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Can I have my money back?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: (to Carita - disapproving) Whoah there girl ! (long pause) We think it's just fabulous, don't we?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: (uncertainly) OK (recovering) I think I'm happy about it...I am happy about it. OK, sorry, I was just a bit shocked. I'm over it now. I'm good. I'm cool...

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: OK, what do we do? You're the instructor, but why didn;t you just tekk us? We could have had private lessons whenever we felt like if we had known you would be the trainer. You must have realized you would be teaching us two?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Yes. I had it on the calender butthe months are all different shapes on my calender, and I just got confused. I won't be doing it all the time. My baby is the oldest of the three, I don;t know, I just realized it would be us three yesterday and then it was to late to change anything.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: All right ! All right ! We can cope with this just fine, In a way I am glad irt's you, So what do we do?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: First of all, we sing the welcome song, you know it, just join in with baby like this.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Brings baby forward from her hip and sways the baby back and forwards in the 'water' as she sings.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma, Carita and Tranda (together sing to the tune "I'm a little teapot") I'll tell you what my name is/ I wonder if you know/ My name is baby Uma, hello hello hello/ I'l tell you what my name is, I wonder if you know/ my name is baby Carita/ hello hello hello/ I'l tell you what my name is, I wonder if you know/ my name is baby Tranda/ hello hello hello.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: (To Tranda) Now Tranda, how does your baby feel about floating?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: right;">Enter boy: Carita has lost interest in the lesson and drifts away momentarily

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Give her a chance, Uma, she's only six months old !

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Does she do it in the bath?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Carita !

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: (dreamily) hmmm...?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Carita, what are you looking at? ....(realization)...Oh! (Joins Carita unashamedly oggling boy)

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: I think I'm floating...

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: (to boy) HEY THERE ! Yes, you in the speedo!

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Shut up Tranda! He might notice us.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: (To Carita) I'm trying (To boy) Sorry to interrupt you getting undressed - No! please do! Do keep getting undressed. I was just wondering if you might have the time?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: (flustered) Yes, time, that's it, We come here all the time.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: (To audience): Can you believe this? (To Tranda and Uma) Can we have a class now?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: (turning back to the group) Of course! floating! I'm not sure if my baby can hold her breath yet. My father tried giving her a cigarette and I got thee just in time. She can sure cough alright.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Oh my giddy grandmother ! A cigarette? Are you for real?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Camel ! ...Ruddy MEN, eh !

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: (pre-occupied hand gesturing) Hmm, Men, yes, man, He has got a bit of a hump...

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: If he had long hair and one tooth, you would still be interested?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: Poor Carita is feeling the nights alone

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: Alone? I'd have to take this limpet on a date (indicating baby)

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: (whispering) He had long hair when I met him.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Carita: (Interested) You know him?

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Tranda: He'd look even better with long hair.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Uma: Yes he had long hair. Cut it off to please a woman. Thank goodness he had his erratic dentiion repaired. Tranda: Who would cut his hair?

Uma: Shaved it actually, down to the roots

Carita: Down to the roots? who rooted him?

Tranda: (experimenting with baby) Is this how to float ?

Uma: (shrieks) Carita! (pause) I didn't like him sucking on it.

Tranda: (distracted) Filthy habit, sucking on a ponytail.

<p style="text-align: right;">Tranda drops her baby and it sinks like a stone, clattering to the floor, Uma grabs it

<p style="text-align: right;">Off-stage: Sound of baby howling

Uma: Gosh, sorry about that Tranda,I shouold have been paying more attention. (to baby) Poor little fellow. I didn't mean to get so distracted.

Tranda: (furiously patting and rocking rocking to calm the baby) now, now!

Carita: Never mind, Uma, I am sure the kid has had much worse and will survive much worse. There there, poor little ragamuffin, never mind.

Uma: Is the baby all right.

Carita: We have all had a shock.

<p style="text-align: right;">Off stage: sound of baby crying fades

Tranda; Fine, the baby is fine. Hey listen, I was just thinking. Our patio has just been replaced, what do you say we all get together after this swimming lesson business is all over ?

Carita: Only if you let us christen that sucker with coffee and melting moments.

Uma: Sold. It's a date. Mothers group. phew.

Tranda: (wrinkling her nose) Pooh, more like, by the smell of it !

Scene nine - supermarket super power
(Supermarket interior: day. Tranda and Uma are on stage with a supermarket trolley and a pram respectively. many supermarkets are very obliging with trolleys where the store name features on the trolley prominently. Alternatively use a basket)

Uma: I can't believe the price of things!

Tranda: Tell me about it, honey! (Tossing a magazine into trolley) My grocery bill has doubled with a kid.

Uma: It seems like a summer just yesterday I walked through these aisles, fresh from the beach in my bathers and bought one icecream and a mango. When I got hungry later in the same day, I just did it again. (sighs) Now I have to dress up like a snow tourist to hide the spare tyre, bring the baby and enough gear to fill the trunk, can't afford the mango and I have to buy economical tubs of icecream according to a menu planner. Where the hell did spontaneity go?

Tranda: (Laughing) You crack me up ! I can just see you in a bikini buying one mango, I bet the store owner loved the bikini part.

Uma: (sighs) I always draw the wrong crowd.

Tranda: Maybe you should try clothes.

Uma: (jokingly) Bitch ! Maybe you should try friendship once in a while, instead of being missus cold perfect heart.

Tranda: Perfect? Are you kidding, I could tell you some stories about my mishaps, like when my baby fell in the hot-tub. No wonder they're not walking yet.

Uma: I gotta sit down. My baby is stirring. Maybe if I feed 'em here they won't wake up and then I can re-settle before we go home. She will be a maggot if she wakes up properly here with all the people around.

Tranda: O....K.... What? Really? You are going to feed her right here? In the middle of a supermarket?

Uma: It won't take long.

Tranda: I can't, I need to get home. If I sit down here, I won't be able to let down and the baby will make a fuss.

Uma: You do it all the time at Mozart-For-Tots.

Tranda: That's different, It's a church group where all the mum's feed together.

Uma: what am I? chopped liver? I will be right here with you. Come on, take a load off your skinny pins. (proceeding to get comfortable).

Tranda: (reluctant) I can just try I suppose. I am too young to breast feed in public. (sitting anyway)

Uma: Too young?

Tranda: I know, I feel silly saying it, but It just isn't done, none of my friends are breastfeeding.

Uma: Look at it this way, we live for eighty odd years and only feed on mothers milk for one if we are lucky, everybody does it, you just don't see them because it is such a small space of your life.

Tranda: You! You're good, I would buy another pair of tits off you, but I already got mine. I swear you are so passionate about wet-nursing, you could sell a push-up bra to a bloke with ambition.

Uma: (to the baby) It's warm but the cat can't get it, ain't that right darling. (enter drongo)

Supermarket drongo: (eyes popping out) Hey, you can't just flash yourself here..I mean, do you need to breast in the mother's room? um...the rest room? Could you nipple into the rest room?

Tranda: (to Uma) I'm not feeding my baby in the dunny-hole. Let's go.

Uma: (to drongo) Hey, has your mummy let you work here? If you have a mum, you should know better. There is a law about this, you can't just shoo us away, grommet. get lost and stop gauping at my rack. (exit drongo)

Together sing "Super Power: Breastfeeding" by MIND MAP THAT

Scene ten - a brew of gossip
<p style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: right;">morning tea - interior, day, kitchen

(around a table at CARITA's house. Lights up with Uma and Carita sitting at the kitchen table in an aspect of couple confiding. There are two prams on stage with a pretend baby doll in each.

Uma. I just can' believe it.

Carita. You better beleive it.

Uma: (almost sobbing) When he said he was giving himself to me, I didn't think he meant 'on loan'.

Carita: What did you expect. He has a reputation bigger than ...bigger than (looks at audience)... well down past his knees. You can hardly go downtown without hearing of another conquest.

Uma: He said he really dug me (wiping hr eye).

Carita: (with pity) He dug you? What kind of line is that? What was he digging for, I wonder?

Uma. He just stopped digging me.

Carita. HIt sounds more like he was a liar with a shovel to cover his tracks.

Uma: Some Men,.. your husband is alright...

Carita. Uma, I spent a lifetime looking for him, and I had to woo him for a long time.

Uma. (sarcastically) Woo? Woo hoo for you too...sounds very romantic

Carita. It was lovely for him.

Uma. You had to woo him? You can't just - pick a partner and make him like you?... How? What did you do?

Carita. Flowers. Dates. Poetry. flirting. I courted him. I even sang to him. You know my photographs? We exchanged photos for about a year before he went out with me.

Uma (incredulous) A year !

Carita. Is that so surprising? Haven't you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?

Uma. Yeah. Often. Usually the ones who just left me.

Carita. Not him. I mean before you got to know them?

Uma. Well actually I have been seeing someone, but I can't talk about it.

Carita. A highschool crush on someone who didn't know you exusted?

Uma. I am the high school sweetheart other people had crushes on.

Carita. Have you ever been in love?