Talk:Star trek pendragon

The start is awfully cliche, though not as bad as some I've read. Its one strong point is that it's a very concise way of getting the general situation to the reader.


 * "High above the Earth, a war raged in the heavens. Mighty ships battled each other, their commanders issuing orders designed to achieve but one goal: victory. As one ship after another was disabled or destroyed, another took its place, and fought with redoubled vigor, ready to avenge her fallen comrade.


 * The fate of the galaxy hung suspended in the fray. Battle lines had been drawn two years ago, and every skermish had been leading to this final engagement. "

The idea of the admiral Leyton killing himself is pretty good, since I've read so many works in which the enemy has to be forcibly killed, and here the 'antagonist' commits suicide.

So... isn't it a bit unrealistic for a married couple to ONLY say these lines? I mean, this is not touching at all. It's as if both of them cared only for their children and not for each other. No emotional lines, nothing. It's these lines that are indicating that things are developing too quickly.


 * Tim walked to the bedside, and pulled the sheet away. Jean's once beautiful face was scarred now, and blood stained her cheeks and matted her hair.


 * He reached down, took her hand in his, and kissed it. "I'm sorry." He pulled the sheet up again, and looked at the doctor. "Where are my sons?"


 * "At your home in Colorado. They're uninjured."


 * Tim nodded once again and silently walked out the door.

The races should be a bit more developed. What are they like? Just because it's Star Trek fanfic doesn't mean it can thrive without adequate description, especially since it's breaking from the main characters in the franchise.

15:02, 14 December 2007 (UTC)