Fortunately unfortunately/1Chandler Bang

Fortunately unfortunately is a story game played by a group of players. The starting player gives any story sentence. The second player gives the second sentence, which must begin with the word "unfortunately" and describe an unfortunate event. The next player does the same but beginning with "fortunately" and describing a positive event. The Fortunately unfortunately lines then alternate until the story is complete.


 * Edit the "Fortunately unfortunately" Wikistory by adding the correct type of sentence (a negative or positive one, alternating each time).
 * Do not delete or change preceding portions.
 * Wait for at least one other person to add a sentence before taking your next go.

See also Wikipedia for details of the game, and One-word-at-a-time for another story related game.

Chandler Bang is a smart mouthed New Yorker in his thirties. Unfortunately, his father died before Chandler could apologize for calling the old man a "money-grubbing capitalist". Fortunately, he was the only heir of this "money-grubbing capitalist" 's $200,000,000,000-worth business, as the family lawyer had earlier suggested on the phone. Unfortunately, his newly acquired fortune was not as cathartic as he would have hoped. Fortunately, Erica Miller, the latest object of Chandler's affections, was none the wiser about the real worth of his so-called inheritance. Unfortunately, Erica called Chandler a "money-grubbing capitalist". Fortunately, her younger sister Judy was even more attractive than Erica herself. Unfortunately, Judy was married to Patrick Kaplan. Fortunately, Patrick Kaplan was secretly a supervillain in another universe and had just died when one of his inventions exploded. Unfortunately, the invention which exploded sent a shockwave which jiggled Chandler's universe, so that he dropped his sandwich in a sandbox. Fortunately the sandwich was unharmed, and the only sand that stuck to it he was able to brush off. Unfortunately, Chandler did not notice that the sandwich had become radioactive, and after eating it, got severe cancer throughout his body. Fortunately, the lawyer had found a way of getting Chandler the $200,000,000,000. Unfortunately, the cancer was spreading very rapidly and Chandler was about to die, and the only thing he could think of was how stupid his parents had been to name him after a character on an overrated TV sitcom. Forunately, the TV sitcom was simply overrated because it was seen as really really good, while it was really just really good. Unfortunately, the TV sitcom had no bearing whatsoever on how many seconds that Chandler Bang had left to live, except for the miserable and petty fact that this inconsequential realization of his little mind happened to slightly reduce the number of seconds remaining that he could have devoted to some other activity or thought that would in the long term prove to be more important and more memorable by society. Fortunately, Chandler Bang was able to afford a secret cure for his cancer for 199,999,999,999.98$, tax included. Unfortunately, that of course left him with only two dollars left, and he had used those last two dollars for his sandwich, so that he was now penniless. Fortunately, after realizing he actually only had 0.02$ and therefore was in debt by 1.98$, Chandler had a credit card to pay it off. Unfortunately, this confounding life that he had led recently was draining on him, and he had irreversibly aged noticeably due to the immense stress of the two hundred billion dollars and the radioactive sandwich, and now that even he was alive he could barely do much nor enjoy what remained of his life. Fortunately, Chandler found out about anti-aging products like Nivea and Olay. Unfortunately, Nivea and Olay don't really stop aging, so this discovery simply fed false information to Chandler, making him bask in nonexistent hope. Fortunately, Chandler's enthusiasm for the products inspired him to be stared, and paid, on a commercial with the original player of the character Chandler Bang was named after. Unfortunately, Chandler Bang (the one we're talking about) isn't quite so interested in being starred next to someone whom he had thought not too many contributions before was a really stupid name to be named after. Fortunately, a (Unusually) caring government official, allowed Chandler to changer his name to Brian Goldburn, which is a much cooler name than Chandler Bang, and the U.S. nuked France. Unfortunately, the nuclear fallout winds led to Brian and reinfected him with cancer. Fortunately, it turned out that the diagnosis was false. Unfortunately a rip in space time continuum threw Brian in WWII Germany and he is jew. Fortunately, as Brian Goldburn, he could pass as an Aryan. Unfortunately, the tear was caused by Patrick Kaplan's machine and so he had actually been sent to WWII also, and was Brian's roommate. Fortunately, Brian Goldburn managed to escape back into the time-world he was in earlier. Unfortunately, Patrick came too and so Brian lost Judy. Fortunately, this didn't really affect Brian as he didn't know who Judy was, and probably didn't really care. Unfortunately this story is getting kinda strange. Fortunately, this story's strangeness isn't a factor of its quality. Unfortunately, Brian Goldburn/Chandler Bang realized that things couldn't keep going on the way they used to, and became a bit depressed.